bittersnurr:

@master-bison

I always say the reason shit like that happens is because the parents are typically the actual client in therapy. They put the kid there but the issue is really the parents are having problems and want their kid to be “fixed”. I had that problem with therapy even when I wasn’t a minor.

@fullyarticulatedgoldskeleton

Even when I got therapy under my own initiative as an adult my therapist sided with my mom. I think some of that is deferring to parental authority, and treating disabled adults who live with their parents as still being under parental authority, but I think a small part of that is also that therapists are trained to deal with abuse as something in the past with lingering effects today, and not trained to notice present, ongoing abuse.

It happens in other relationship dynamics, too. A woman whose husband was abusing her went in for marriage counseling. The counselors only recognized that their job was to make marriages work, not to recognize when they were abusive. So they sat there and didn’t bat an eye while her husband related how much he fantasized about murdering her in her sleep. Nobody took her aside to ask her if she was okay, or anything.

BASICALLY. Like people seem to grasp this on some level with insurance blocking certain treatments for example, but yeah the person who is paying or sending you there is going to be the actual client with the most pull. Kids are not the clients, the parents are. Even when you are an adult, when disabled (which you are if you are being forced into threarment most likely) your parents will always be viewed as the more credible actual client. I was technically with the last parent hired therapist until I think maybe 19 even? But it still functioned like my mom was in charge even with her no longer getting the reports. She hired him not me.

And when I was 19 my home situation was actually my biggest issue. I actually had a job and stuff but could still not have a social life. I would complain about shit like mom blocking my car in the driveway so I couldn’t leave the house and she got brought in “well you never ask!”

Because you say no. Why would I ask if every fucking time you say no you are too tired you already got in your pajamas at 5pm so you don’t feel like it. The goal posts move. It’s my fault I always miss the kick.

It’s so infuriating people act like therapists don’t often side with abusers when a lot of the people going in to see them would be being sent there by said abusers like it is literally profitable to agree with the abuser. People who have never experienced this do not seem to understand how different the system is when you have been thrown in against your will because someone in your life wants you “fixed” for their personal convenience vs being about to take your time choosing a not awful one and being able to fire them if they do a shitty job, and how if you have experienced that therapy will never ever be a “safe space” for you because that has been betrayed too many times to trust someone with it again.

Too relevant to one recent reblog.

It’s really amazing, when you think about it, how rarely anybody seems to consider that there may be any conflicts of interest there.

(Not really in one way, given the particularly nasty intersection of ableism and the ownership model of parenting. Still pretty amazing how many people think this is how things should work, though.)

The same awful combo that’s brought us the Autism Warrior/Martyr Parent phenomenon, BTW. Similar outlooks and behavior were actively encouraged by too many professionals before that specific version became a thing, and too many were fine with helping perpetuate already abusive family dynamics. Variations on a theme, unfortunately.