a reminder

tearsstainmypillowcase:

confused-p0tato:

kokumarostew:

that theres nothing “neurotypical” about saying that “your mental illnesses are no excuse to be toxic and to abuse/manipulate your friends/partners”

and yes, this applies no matter your circumstances lmao you dont get a free out of jail card because your unhealthy behavior is caused by symptoms – if someone tells you that your behavior is hurting them or you YOURSELF realize that your relationships arent healthy on your part, its on YOU to

1) communicate with the other person to try to work around it, so that you can see whether your needs are compatible with what theyre capable of giving you in terms of friendship/partnership.
sometimes needs are incompatible, and sometimes relationships dont work out despite mutual (platonic or romantic) affection because there are too many factors that make the relationship more harmful than beneficial – even if its harmful only to one party.

in a relationship, it’s the responsibility of both people to make sure that there is enough communication and safety for people to establish boundaries and voice their needs so that theyre heard. voicing needs doesnt mean that they HAVE to fulfill them even at the cost of their own wellbeing; it means compromising and discussing what can be done so that the relationship isnt draining for either party.

2) apologize for hurting them, take accountability and look into resources to change your behavioral patterns (if it’s a persisting thing). google is your friend. talk with a school counselor/therapist/etc if you have one available for you.
go to a library, see if theres any books on mental health and relationships that might help you out. there ARE resources for mentally ill people and for people who need help at unlearning toxic behaviors caused by trauma or other similar factors. Use them.

trying to opt out of responsibility because your shitty behavioral patterns are caused by trauma/mental illness is you excusing your toxic and/or abusive behavior and at the least makes you an abuse apologist.
it should be obvious why that’s not something the ND tumblr should encourage.

we need to be better and STOP protecting abusers and excusing abusive/toxic behavior under the guise of “mental health positivity/acceptance”

Hi hello! What do I do if I go to my counsellor and ask for advice on my manipulative behaviour and she just tells me “that doesn’t sound manipulative” even when I know it’s hurting others (but I only find out it hurt someone after I do it).

I want to know how to voice my needs and be fufilled without draining others, and my counsellor won’t help with that.

I’m seeing a different one soon, but it won’t be until a couple of months. What can I do until then? I think the situation I have isn’t very common because I can’t find a lot of information on it?

Something can be hurtful without necessarily being manipulative. What I would suggest is talking to your friends about what is hurting them that you do. Find out the general themes of what you do that is hurtful as well as what it was in the specific incident. And also, try to find out if they’re in a spot to handle your emotions before you unpack it all. It’s also possible that some friends just aren’t the right people to talk to about serious stuff, which is perfectly okay. You can still be friends with them. (Message me if you’d like to talk about specifics and I’ll see what I can do to help.)