Meltdowns – Reduce them in the ones you love.



Here’s the links to all 8 mini essays:

# 1) Stop yelling (shouting).

# 2) Stop criticizing (shaming, humiliating, insulting, ridiculing, disparaging, denigrating)
# 3) Routines – blessings and curses.
# 4) Is it necessary? Then DON’T!
# 5) Listen. (watch, notice)
# 6) We’re Sensitive! (hyper, hypo, seeking, avoiding)
# 7) Human Interaction (social life, business life) (long!)
# 8) Stimming (self stimulation, fidgeting, flapping)

Hope you found them useful.

@lysikan, you did a great job on this series. Thank you for it.

What should parents who have autistic child(ren) and have a job(s) that make routines hard to do, do? Should they quit their jobs, hire a caregiver/have a family member to stay with the child(ren), have the child(ren) live with family who can give them the routine, or something else?



That gets REALLY complex depending on lifestyle. And sometimes yes, lifestyle must be changed. The point I am trying to make is that it is extremely important – autistic kids will have more meltdowns without that routine, and meltdowns are unhealthy and dangerous. So parents need to find a way to do it wherever possible, not just convenient. The worst are poor people who have few/no options in cities that provide no support. I don’t know how they can be helped except to continuously pester cities for more support. (Being sheltered and living in a forest far from cities I do not know what is available.)

Children are being harmed by these issues, but it is NOT always the parent’s fault. Poor and marginalized people have autistic children, too, and find services difficult and/or impossible to find at times.

My goal is to help the parents understand how they can help, not hold them to some standard they can’t achieve or make them feel bad.

For example, If you work for fast food then yeah, you CANNOT have a regular schedule because the fast food industry discourages that, and you shouldn’t feel bad for it. There is nothing you can do to change the industry and it is highly unlikely you’re earning enough to pay a carer that can make the “routines” for you. You do what you have to do.

Reblogging myself to add:

Routines do not need to be “by the clock”. Most of mine are not. They are set, predictable orders of doing things. Same with Baby – she doesn’t care when we go to the grocery store, but when we do we must stop at the ice cream place on the way home because that is what happens after shopping.

In my post on routines I pointed out that the trick is to make the routines around the parts of life you CAN control, and intentionally avoid making routines out of things that you cannot control completely.

For example, watching a TV show can become a routine BUT it’s risky because TV stations annoyingly change their schedules. So avoid it becoming a routine by intentionally doing different things before and after the show. The lack of predictability about that show makes it something that an autistic will not use as an “anchor” point in their day that could later get disrupted and cause stress and meltdowns.

Edit: example of bad routines – I leave work at 6pm. If for some reason I must leave earlier or later the stress is very difficult to handle and I have had meltdowns over leaving hours EARLY simply because it broke a routine and on top of other stress I got lost and couldn’t handle it.

Just a quick heads-up, because I think this needs to be said (again);




Dear young/questioning aces; 

When other people, especially older people, try to ‘educate’ you about how ‘sexuality is complicated’ and how ‘you might not be ace’ and that ‘you’re probably confused’ and that ‘you’re probably [this] instead’,

You run.

Sexuality is indeed complicated, and yes, you might not be ace. But these kinds of people couldn’t care less either way.

Helpful people give you the freedom of choice – whether that choice lasts a lifetime, or until the next morning. Helpful people give you the agency to make your own decision about your own, personal, private identity.

If someone is trying to collectively discourage questioning aces into forgoing their ace identity? That’s not helpful. That’s an illusion of help under the guise of liberation. They’re trying to make you into something they want you to be.

Whether their advice is helpful or not, to any degree, this type of gaslighting and manipulation is not what you deserve. You can get the same kind of answers and help and support from people who aren’t damaging and toxic.

Find people who will let you be ace. Find people who will let you be yourself.

– Fae


I’ve run into this to varying degrees, from immediately blatant to ignorantly innocent to subtly but deeply manipulative.

The common thread is, in one form or another “anything *but* asexual”. It’s always got to be something else or there always HAS to be doubt. There’s always something “that’s the real issue and we should focus on that instead”.

That helps nobody, that directly perpetuates the pain and confusion you should be helping combat. Don’t do it.

this is yet another example of the everyday mundane microaggressions that aces share with the rest of the community. we all get this crap from the outside world, let’s not do it to each other. 

my least favorite version of it might be the super-subtle one where people act like they “support” you by ONLY telling you that maybe you’re not and maybe you’ll change your mind and that that’s okay. Often accompanied by things like “don’t worry if you’re not sure! you don’t have to make up your mind yet!”

Because that actually means “I don’t believe you and I don’t want to believe you, please tell me you ‘changed your mind.’” 



Tired of the old “your problem doesn’t affect me, therefore it’s not real” game? Try one of these fun alternatives!

  • Your problem is real, but since it doesn’t affect me it’s not important
  • Your problem is real, but first let’s talk about this other, more urgent problem that neither one of us can meaningfully engage with
  • Your problem is real and important, but I’ve framed it as a subset or consequence of a problem that does affect me, so the best way to address your problem is to focus exclusively on my problem
  • Your problem is as urgent as you say it is, but I’ve decided that it’s an inevitable consequence of humanity being intrinsically awful, and I’d lose Enlightened Cynicism points if I actually tried to do anything about it
  • Your problem is awful, but I’m reluctant to act on it because of some purely hypothetical consequence that I have no evidence is even a thing, yet am firmly convinced would be worse than the status quo

Bonus round:

  • Your problem’s solution is clearly a radical restructuring of all of our cultural, political and economic institutions, and advocating any less drastic or more immediately fruitful approach represents a cowardly capitulation to the Man and makes you Part Of The Problem™.


Detailed drawings by Visoth Kakvei

Visoth Kakvei is a 27-year-old Cambodian Artist and Graphic Designer from Maine, USA, who is now gaining a massive following on social media – 916K followers on Instagram, and takes doodling to the next level.

I was born in a farmer family where every day was a hard working day. Though I was tired, life back then was very rewarding and beautiful as I got to live next to nature and other beautiful surroundings. I could not help but let my brain capturing all these amazing pictures in my mind, and it was drawing and graphic design that helps me release all these memories into something more exciting.

Tired of searching all over for art?  Look no further than our Facebook page.

posted by tu recepcja via




Whenever I hear about ppl (uaually white) getting hostile and irritable because of an islamic call to prayer announced over a loudspeaker or anishinaabe planting wild rice in lake beds near cabins or orthodox jews wanting to put up the boundary thingy I can’t remember the name of, I think about how liberal multiculturalism has done a good job of failing to prepare people to deal with genuine differences in values and norms about utilizing public space and cohabitation because it was built on the premise that eventually we’d all succumb to western assimilation of normative citizenship and the only thing left to signify our differences would be clothes and tasty food and funny music

(boundary thingy is called an eruv, also yes to everything in this post)

Oh thank you! I wrote this post at 1 am and was very fuzzy-brained and couldn’t google, I’m glad someone told me


“Deaf inmates are punished for missing count or mealtimes, though the announcements are made over loudspeakers they cannot hear. They are beaten by guards for misunderstanding orders, and, when they successfully lip-read one interaction and fail the next, they are beaten for ‘feigning’ their hearing loss. In addition, because prisons rarely provide certified ASL interpreters, the inmates struggle to defend themselves at disciplinary proceedings and have limited or no access to medical, mental health, or justice center professionals. They also lack access to any tailored social, educational, or rehabilitative programming. This, by design, is the nature of prisons—undesirables are hidden, with limited attempts at reintegration or socialization between the incarcerated and society (translating, on its face at least, to less manpower and money spent by the corrections system).”

Ableism, the English to Prison Pipeline, and the Plight of Deaf Inmates

A Tip for Book Lovers





If you go to libraries and if you shop at Thriftbooks (both of which I recommend) then you may already know this fact. But if you don’t, let me enlighten you;

These places are breeding grounds for BED BUGS.

No this is not me telling you to stop. No this is not me calling that places dirty or gross. This is just the consequence of book sharing. Because these books trade hands and houses in a wonderful and perfect system of intellectual freedom. And I think that’s beautiful. But when a book trades houses that many times it’s prone to pick up something. That something is usually bed bugs.

Due to their natural structuring, books are ideal homes. And once a book returns to the library or the warehouse, these bedbugs wiggle out and find more places to burrow and breed.

And here’s another fun fact. Unlike ants, bed bugs are not social insects. They don’t like each other. So if you think you can just put down a single trap and catch them all, you’re wrong. They don’t work like that. If you poison one, it won’t go home and do a secret handshake with a hundred other of its friends. It’ll just die. If you kill one, you’ve only killed one.

Why am I telling you this? To scare you? To ward you away? Of course not. I’m just here to make sure you’re aware AND to introduce you to something that could save you a shit ton of grief.

The moment you bring the book home or take it out of its packaging, PUT THAT FUCKER INTO THE FREEZER.


Extreme cold and extreme heat kills bed bugs. And since we’re not Trump and holding book burnings is generally looked down upon, we do the next best thing. Freeze it. No, it won’t damage the book. A few days in there will only leave it cold and bug free. But if you’re worried, pop it into a large Ziplock before you do.

Read safe and stay bug free, my bookish friends! 📚📚📖

Holy shit that’s good advice

Take it from a survivor…. Bed bugs are a world of grief you want no part of.

From one survivor to another

[i look at you… there is war and pain in my eyes. the memories… they are too much and too awful. we hold one another tight.]

I’ve got you

ALSO TO ANYONE WHO THINKS THAT THEY COULD SURVIVE THIS, uh, yeah, you do. But you come out of it a different person. That’s not a joke. I don’t sit on my bed in the clothes I go out in during the day because holy shit there might be bed bugs. I don’t touch park benches. I don’t sit down on cloth seats in anywhere but my own home. I am absolutely terrified of another attack from those fuckers. Having bed bugs is an ordeal that lasts MONTHS and it fucking destroys and uproots huge portions of your life. 

Don’t. Kid. Around. 

Performance of a Lifetime: On Invisible Illness, Gender, and Disbelief | Bitch Media


Is not about autism directly, but is about being a person described as female and getting their symptoms ignored by doctors because of it. I has mentioned before about getting similar treatment when I was a kidlet. If you gots a uterus (or had one at any time in your life) doctors don’t take you seriously.

Performance of a Lifetime: On Invisible Illness, Gender, and Disbelief | Bitch Media