As a person with Complex PTSD, there are certain characters who also have C-PTSD who YES, they behave badly, but I’m not certain if people understand why.
I don’t mean this in terms of “This person/character was abused, therefore it excuses their actions” I mean this in terms of “This person/character was abused and they literally DO NOT KNOW another way to behave”.
Especially since fiction tends to have virtually no therapists.
Here’s the thing. When you’re a kid – and a teen – still in that Learning How To Be A Person stage of things, if your parents/caregivers around you are abusive assholes? That’s your primary frame of reference for modelling “How are people supposed to react to this?”
How are you supposed to react if someone does something that hurts your feelings – even accidentally? How are you supposed to react if someone wants you to do something you don’t want to do – even something that might hurt you? What’s the appropriate way to express how you feel about ANYTHING?
Abusers also tend to isolate you as much as they can, so you probably haven’t been exposed to Actual Sane, Reasonable People very much. There’s a good chance that if you have any extended family, THEY don’t want to be around EITHER because your abusive parent is awful. (Assuming they’re not also awful – which is also a thing that happens, especially in cases of intergenerational abuse.)
It doesn’t help that – even if you’re TRYING to, you just really don’t know how to handle a situation – it can end a lot of friendships because you didn’t know how to interact or how to handle feelings.
If someone’s being kind, is it a trap? It MIGHT be. It was the way you grew up. Where’s the catch? What do they WANT from you?
Teachers rarely see “this kid is being abused at home” they see “This kid is disruptive/withdrawn/weird”.
Maybe you blow up at people when you’re overwrought – nobody’s ever taught you how to calm down (and learning how to calm down and process feelings IS a learned skill, nobody’s born with it) or taught you constructive things to do with your feelings, and you still have PEOPLE HURTING YOU at home, so you’re pretty stressed out most of the time.
Maybe you get clingy to an extent that someone is uncomfortable – because HOLY SHIT, A PERSON DOESN’T THINK I’M SCUM, because you find that person and you latch on like an octopus. For some reason you can’t FATHOM, they think you’re worthwhile. Getting possessive of a person is not healthy, but you don’t know another way to be because you’ve never had or seen a healthy friendship modeled.
That’s another problem. When somebody has been told they’re worthless and a burden for their whole life, a person giving them even a little affection and praise can lead to a situation where you would do absolutely anything for them. It’s one of the reasons it’s so easy for a person from an abusive home to fall right into another abusive relationship (not just romantic/sexual relationships – ANY relationship where you’re being taken advantage of).
And you go with it because you might not even see yourself as someone who is worthy of existing as a person who has value inherently because you’re a person.
Maybe you’re afraid to set boundaries because “What if this person who likes me STOPS liking me because of it?” which can lead to resentment because they can’t read your mind, and then one day it gets to be too much, so you blow up over it.
I have absolutely been a complete asshole to people – friends, even, or potential friends – because I was trying to figure out how you are supposed to handle human interaction when I didn’t know how to set boundaries properly or say “This thing you are doing is bothering me”.
Even if you know “What my parents did was WRONG, so I should do something else”, well, what then? Throw a dart at a list of EVERY POSSIBLE REACTION to a situation? Knowing “not this one specific one” is not as helpful as you might think.
Not to mention there are people who will DESPERATELY deny that what happened to them was abuse. Nobody wants to feel powerless, and admitting you were a scared child involves feeling powerless again.So, can anyone guess which character is on my mind?
My little rescue cat Piglet would like to say HI to Pangur. She is 8 this year, allergic to all proteins known to man, found as a baby in a forest but still the most affectionate cat anyone could hope for. Dislikes include people sneezing, people emptying the dishwasher, and not being fed at 4am.
Three times in the last week – *Two* times today (within moments of each other), I’ve received anonymous messages advocating the murder of all abled people, each time on days when I write posts critical of institutional ableism.
I’ve blocked them, but the messages have only been disappearing one by one. So whoever’s doing it is posting from multiple accounts.
I was just going to ignore them, and starve them of attention, like snuffing out a candle. But then, I realized that if they’re sending me messages, they might be sending them to others, too, in which case, a public warning and shaming is in order. So I’m only going to say this once:
If this anon (yes, it is just one) is trying to flatter me, they’re doing it wrong.
Maybe they’re trying to impress, by demonstrating how strongly I’ve persuaded them of my point of view. But social justice doesn’t work like that.
First of all: You don’t combat one “supremacy” by trading it in for another. You work to dismantle it, piece by piece, like a Lego model. Then, you take all those pieces and build something better – something different than the picture on the box.
And, frankly? The rhetoric of oppressing one group in order to raise up another? Well, that sounds to me like the rhetoric favored by alt-right broflakes.
And second, here’s something we in the Disability Community have been saying forever (at least, longer than this anon has been alive): No able-bodied person is able-bodied forever. There is no “us” vs. “them.”
If this anon is trying to goad me into replying to their asks, and thus letting them onto the dashes of my followers, so they can have something to screen cap, and make it look like I advocate violence…
Urocyon's Jaunts 2.0 
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