I ran across this on Twitter the other day, and ouch. I still can’t comment much, but it was good to see someone addressing this particular version of horribleness around disability and sexuality which very rarely seems to come up.
In my lifetime, I never really got the message that I was expected to be nonsexual and desexualized because I am autistic. (I know many other autistic people do get those messages – especially if they are nonspeaking and/or have multiple other apparent disabilities.) Instead, I got a series of messages that I was in fact a sexual being, but anything to do with my sexuality was gross and an object of mockery, or, to be used only for really fucked up fetishes for which I could become a fantasy object (but that was much later). I’m willing to bet money that I am not the only autistic person of any gender or sexuality or asexuality to have had this kind of sexual harassment happen to them. It seems particularly targeted to people who are neurodivergent in pretty specific ways, and like it particularly emerged in adolescence – in high school – though I’m sure it could and has happened to autistic adults of younger and older ages too.
Just in case I wasn’t clear, this kind of behavior and sexual interrogation is ableist sexual harassment and ableist bullying, and can probably amount to ableist sexual abuse depending on the circumstances. I can probably think of even more ways in which my a/sexuality was targeted by some or another person or group to be dragged into the open and mocked, but honestly, I’d prefer not to go trawling through memories that it seems like I’ve blocked out at least some of. My point is that many of us have had extremely varied experiences with all types of sexual harassment and sexual abuse, both the type of abuse that desexualizes disabled people, and the type of abuse that hyper-sexualizes and/or mocks or pities, and some of it can be incredibly disability-specific.
I will add that this abusive behavior can also be devastating in some slighly different ways if the person has absolutely no clue why they are really getting targeted. Which very rarely has much if anything to do, in reality, with any of the stated reasons for people feeling a need to go totally out of their way to keep informing you of what a uniquely repulsive freak you are. (Plus do whatever other horrible things occur to them, yeah.)
I know that helped push me over into a full-on eating disorder in middle school, among some other lasting effects. When the real problem was never actually my looks, but a gross stew of -isms.
I also wish I were surprised that the author of the first piece almost immediately started getting a stream of particularly badly applied platitudes in response. (That Twitter thread.) A lot of it variations on the exact same kinds of shit I got to hear anytime I tried to discuss anything related to this, much less the effects on my wellbeing, when it was still actively happening. Including from some adults who very much should have known better.
As she put it in that thread: “Platitudes in my opinion are never useful but when they pop up in direct response to narratives of oppression they are active erasure”
That type of response is the opposite of helpful to anyone but the person avoiding engaging with the actual issues involved, by shutting down and turning things around on anyone who tries to talk about them. My tolerance for that behavior is basically nil by now, around a number of topics.
This is true regardless of gender of partner, though.
When I thought I had to have a girlfriend to be a Real Gay I dated an abusive jerk.
When I dated a woman because I liked her and I wanted to, I had a loving, fulfilling relationship that lasted a couple of years and changed my life for the better.
I’m not saying heteronormativity doesn’t say some really weird ass things to women who like men. It totally does. (And it says different destructive weird things to men who like women, btw.)
But the relevant point is not so much “women don’t need men” as it is that relationships should be about genuinely liking someone and wanting them in your life, not about desperately needing any kind of interaction.
This goes for friendships too, btw.
Same –
When I thought I had to prove that I was “actually bi” and that I didn’t “hate women” because I was transitioning… I ended up staying with a woman who made me almost constantly afraid and tried to pressure me into doing things I didn’t want. Once I started standing up to cultural bullshit and just being with people because I genuinely loved being with them, the relationships I’ve had have been much more full of joy.
“Bisexuals don’t belong in the LGBT community” ohhh ok I guess the B stands for ‘bitch’ and that’s where you fit in, gotcha
I was explaining bi and trans erasure/phobia in the gay community to my mum and she was outraged and burst out “WHAT DO THEY THINK IT STANDS FOR? LESBIANS, GAYS, BICYCLES AND TRICYCLES?!” and I don’t think I’ll forget that until my dying day.
Enter the Banned GrandmasInstagram page. The account began when Iranian-American Holly Dagres, 31, tweeted a picture kissing her grandmother with the hashtag #GrandparentsNotTerrorists.
According to Global Citizen, Dagres said that the account exists to bring awareness to the consequences of the travel ban.
Specifically, she is referring to the section in the ban that prohibits anyone without “a bona fide relationship with a person or entity in the United States.” Under this rule, grandparents, grandchildren, aunts, uncles and cousins are not considered eligible familial relationships. Read more (7/12/17)
In addition to the destruction of a national refuge, the construction of the wall through the refuge will be destroying the habitat for the endangered ocelot, 400 species of birds, 450 types of plants, and half of the butterfly species found in North America. According to Think Progress, “A U.S. Fish and Wildlife report from 2016 found that more than 100 animals that are listed as endangered, threatened, or candidates for protection under the Endangered Species Act could be affected by the border wall.”
The planning and preparation for the construction has been done in secret by the U.S. Customs and Border Protection Service and its private contractors.
I am not saying the following…..I have no control over my fingers as they float across my keyboard……..doing this is fucked up, doing it in secret is triple fucked up, trump’s minions doing this is beyond fucked up.
Excerpt:
For at least six months, private contractors and U.S. Customs and Border Protection (CBP) officials have been quietly preparing to build the first piece of President Trump’s border wall through the Santa Ana Wildlife Refuge in South Texas. The federally owned 2,088-acre refuge, often called the “crown jewel of the national wildlife refuge system,” could see construction begin as early as January 2018, according to a federal official who has been involved in the planning but asked to remain anonymous.
“This should be public information,” the official told the Observer. “There shouldn’t be government officials meeting in secret just so they don’t have to deal with the backlash. The public has the right to know about these plans.”
On Friday afternoon, several workers were drilling into the existing earthen levee on the wildlife refuge and extracting soil samples to prepare for the construction. A security guard watching over the site asked me to leave when I started asking questions.
Established in 1943, the Santa Ana Wildlife Refuge is one of the top birding destinations in North America. Home to at least 400 bird species and 450 species of plants, it also hosts both the rare Sabal palm and the endangered ocelot. The refuge is located on the Texas-Mexico border about 10 miles southeast of McAllen in the Rio Grande Valley.If the levee wall is constructed, it will essentially destroy the refuge, the official said. The proposed plans call for building a road south of the wall and clearing refuge land on either side of the wall for surveillance, cameras and light towers.
Some of the species who will be adversely affected by this:
TIL There was an intern who stole moon rocks from NASA, spread the rocks on his bed and had sex on them, resulting in contamination making the rocks virtually useless to the scientific community. He was sentenced for more than 8 years.
Urocyon's Jaunts 2.0 
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