MONTEREY — In a surprising reveal, the Monterey Bay Aquarium announced its first foray into wearable tech today, with a full line of too-good-to-be-true glasses dubbed JellyVue™.
Seamlessly integrated with their popular Jelly Cam livestream, JellyVue™ glasses promise to help alleviate stressful real-world situations with the soothing pulses of the Aquarium’s sea nettles.
“With everything going on in the world, the Jelly Cam has gone from a popular moving screensaver to a bona-fide self-care destination,” explains Patrik Anderson, head developer on the project.
“JellyVue™ brings cnid-vision glasses to the masses, untethered from their phones or computers, for the instant mindfulness only brainless animals can provide.”
Accompanying the announcement on the Aquarium’s social media channels are a series of ads pulled directly from the Marketing to Millennials playbook.
A young woman stares off into space filled with jelly for the slogan “You’re not ready.” Another stands outside the Aquarium to “Sea for yourself.” A trendy workgroup hangs out on a balcony with their JellyVue™ glasses under the tagline “Mindless fun.”
While JellyVue™ glasses are sure to be popular, Patrik had some important caveats for prospective buyers.
“First of all, JellyVue™ is not AR, or VR. It’s a proprietary tech we call CnidoSight™, which is basically a 100% opaque projection of the Jelly Cam directly into your field of vision. Operating heavy machinery with JellyVue™ is definitely not recommended.”
“Also, this is an April Fool’s joke. Yes, yes, I know, we’re sorry! We’re just as disappointed as you are! I mean, how cool would these be? When we came up with this idea everyone in the office was like: ‘Man, that would be so awesome to actually buy them though!’ And if someone out there wanted to give us a TON of money we could see what we could do, you know? But yeah, no, this is an April Fool’s joke, sorry about that, and we hope that if/when the sadness/anger subsides, you had a good laugh, and that you share this with your friends in the friendly spirit of tomfoolery that is April 1st.”
hey y’all!! i’m currently working on these cute patches to help w bills and just surviving in general!
i made these last year to help with the costs of moving to vancouver to attend post secondary and i thought i would bring them back since a lot of people asked about them!
It’s fine to identify as pansexual if that is what you’re most comfortable with, and there’s nothing inherently bad about it, but it’s pretty hard to deny that “pansexual” getting big as a term has a really fucked up biphobic and transphobic background, considering that it basically got popularized on the internet as “we’re more progressive than bi people because we actually loooove people for who they are, not just their genitals, also we’ll fuck trans/NB people too,” and it really, really shows in a lot of discourse and slogans from pan bloggers, and the mogai crowd. I’m not surprised at all people have finally lost patience with this shit
I’m pansexual because I see people who are nonbinary, trans, bisexual, homosexual, etc. I see them as people. But hey, I guess I’m disgusting for that.
that’s you
this pansexual discourse is not necessary bc bi just means two or more while pan means all it’s not discriminating bi it’s just something people identify by so the better option would be to delete this post bc its entirely unnecessary
Nah
you drinking some reading comprehension juice is necessary
Here’s a fun april fools day prank you can do. Sneak into my room and place thousands of dollars everywhere. Just on everything. Cover my things with an insane amount of money. Make it a real hassle to clean up. The more money the better the prank.
Incase you are worried or clicked anything stressful today, this is literally just a link to the Kitten Academy livestream. I hope all my followers are having a good Easter or April Fools and nothing too stressful is going on.
Urocyon's Jaunts 2.0 
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