The story of the Distant Goddess is absolute proof that it’s a crime that Ancient Egyptian mythology hasn’t entered the popular conciousness in the same way as Greek stuff.

Short, super paraphrased version: Ra is sick of humanity being rebellious wee bastards, so he sends a goddess as an embodiment of his vengeance, usually Sekhmet in the form of a great fuckoff lion – first to the southern deserts to wipe out the followers of Set. She does so, and then for unspecified reasons, Ra decides maybe humanity is redeemable hey call off the murderlion. But being an embodiment of pure divine retribution, she isn’t really having it.

So Ra sends Thoth out in an effort to soothe the goddess before she arrives in the north and wipes out everything including the gods (she’s just that strong). He’s terrified, but he tries all sorts of cunning and wisdom and trickery and tells her moral tales and all that, but all he can do is delay her.

In the meantime, Ra’s priests of the north are hard at work. They brew thousands of barrels of beer, and mix pots and pots red dye. And when the goddess inevitably arrives, they mix it up and pour it into the reeds of the nile. Believing it to be the spilled blood of her enemies, she drinks it up proudly… And gets EXTREMELY drunk, calming down and transforming into Hathor, goddess of joy and love.

And once a year to celebrate this momentous occasion, Egyptians would get Absolutely Plastered.

All true. …There’s also a mention somewhere (different papyrus: I forget who mentions it) that the beer has also has had “mandrakes” mixed with it, so they not only got her drunk, but may have roofie’d her JUST TO BE SURE. 

Ah, yes, Sekhemet. Also a goddess of plague and healing – between her, Bastet, and Isis, you’ve got most of your goddess bases covered.

automatic hand dryers




a short story I wrote a few years ago based on a prompt about eccentric fears. TW for slightly absurd gore, and potential reawakening of childhood nightmares. 

Keep reading

This is gory and absurd in a way that makes me remember all kinds of things I was scared of as a kid – and gives me reason to look twice the second time I dry off my hands under an automatic thing. Never did like those hand dryers.

I was afraid of escalators. (I still dislike them and suspect it’s related to the fact that I can get motion sick from closing a car door…)



The evolution of my cell phones during four years of high school. I dropped all three in the toilet at one point, the iPhone died, the Razr survived and the Nokia broke the toilet.

An aquaintance from freshman year of high school chucked her first phone, a twin of mine, off a second story balcony at a cement patio in an attempt to force her parents to get her a newer phone.

She chipped the patio and gouged the rubbery coating. 

My partner knew a guy with one of the old metal frame Ericssons, way back when. And he would use the side edge of it as a hammer, in a pinch.

They certainly had a reputation for being sturdy, but watching that still kinda impressed Mr. C.






If the purge was real we’d defend one another, burn the debt records and return the commons, not murder each other, nice try Hollywood, your Hobbesian propaganda doesn’t work on me

U really think we’d defend one another?? Are u joking? People would fight for their lives. Steal & hide. They’d take advantage. Not to the extent of the movie, but have u ever seen a riot? God ur so dumb & I hate u for being so naive

Hey have you read a history or political theory or anthropology book that wasn’t written by the Cato institute?

the whole premise of the purge is inherently flawed. it assumes that crime happens because people just want to commit it, when actually most crime is a symptom of societal disenfranchisement. 

yeah, maybe some sociopathic white frat boys would go around terrorizing people because they know there won’t be any consequences, but really, how is that any different than normal?