operativesurprise:

elfwiz:

Because I feel like kids of color don’t hear it enough: domestic abuse is not a part of your culture. 

A lot of us were raised with the idea that “its normal for wives/children to get hit! it helps them learn– only white folk don’t get beaten when they misbehave”. That’s not true, white people aren’t the only ones who deserve a safe and abuse free environment. Black and brown people can and do have loving families. 

If you’re in a situation where you are enduring abuse and people use your culture to justify it, I want you to know that what they’re telling you are lies.

I was at a state conference once and we were discussing challenges we were facing in our clients’ homes. 

I brought up that I was having trouble with the fact that I, as a social worker and educator, wasn’t supposed to tell people “No, that thing you’re doing is wrong,” 

Another woman chimed in saying that “well, a lot of things that seem wrong to us are cultural”

And everyone started agreeing with her. 

I put my foot down and said, “No. That’s not what I’m talking about.”

She tried to explain that this Sri Lankan family she was working with would allow the young male child to hit their sisters and their mother (as did the father), but wouldn’t let the girls raise their voices at or argue with the brother or father. She tried to say that while this was uncomfortable for her, that it was “cultural, so I just had to trust that once the boy got to school he would learn not to hit others”. 

I almost died. I asked her if she was implying that all Sri Lankan people are abusers. She said “well, it’s not abuse, it’s just that -” 

I cut her off because if you’re going to claim that a man beating his wife and children, and allowing/encouraging their young son to do so as well was cultural and not abuse, then I didn’t know what to say to her. I said that we were not talking about children feeding themselves at the table early/late or whether there is dinner time prayer or not, or whether inside play is quiet rather than loud and dirty. We were talking about parents teaching their children that it’s okay to hit your spouse.