whenever i see a baby in public i wish i were like a powerful faerie god mother character who could give the baby a gift like “you’ll never get a cold” or “math will always make sense to you” or something like bein’ great with string instruments but I don’t have any powers that I know of but it doesn’t stop me from trying so every time I see a baby in public I tell the adult with it “what a beautiful baby” and it makes them smile and then I pretend I can take the goodness of their smile and I look at the baby and I think very hard “you will have a good life, even if it’s hard, you will end up happy” and I’m just hopin’ the magic kicks in at some point
faerie: for your service, I will grant you one boon
“if your morality/worldview/etc is founded solely on WWAD (What Would the Ancients Do?) then what are you even doing…….? form your own opinions. make your own choices. we have penicillin and wifi now, it’s great.”
Almost all of Indiana is terrible, but I really don’t think Carmel gets enough derision. Fucking Carmel! Tacky, overpriced, full of rich people, and littered with shitty statues. I hate it!
There are statues all over the sidewalks downtown, but they’re not cool statues. They’re not commemorating important historical figures, they’re not creative artistic pieces, they’re not interactive. They’re just unsettling, obtrusive, and garishly-painted statues of random civilians who look like residents of Pleasantville, like “old woman with grocery bag”:
or “white cop poised to jokingly slap your ass for a photo”:
and “corporate shill taking up bench space to keep homeless people from sleeping on it”:
They’re always in the way, they never move when you say “excuse me”, you’re constantly mistaking them for real people, and they’re UGLY. They’re so UGLY!
Dear Carmel, scrap them all and hire living statues. Mimes. I will forgive you cursed city for its crimes if you become the mime hotspot of Indiana.
Urocyon's Jaunts 2.0 
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