Day: August 21, 2018

neurodiversitysci:

wyomingsmustache:

The thing about Discworld, you see, is that it’s a very hopeful form of cynicism. It doesn’t just tell you that the world is crap, it says, well, yes, of course the world is crap, but that’s why you should be hopeful, and helpful, and kind, and why you have to be good, because maybe you can make it a little less crap.

Reason #33573743742 why I love the Discworld books.

taraljc:

papafargo:

taraljc:

taraljc:

OK, so, here’s what’s going on with me:

I had a couple of non-paying bidders and then bounced a bunch of cheques in Juy, then filled in the $500-shaped hole created by the bounced cheque fees with evilbay sales but didn’t make enough for August’s bills, including my Dreamstime subscription which means I am currently a big hot mess.

Because I have been spiralling, I’ve also been spending way too much time sleeping and drowning my sorrows in fiction (reading all night, or marathonning TV series on Netflix, etc.) and as a result compounding my depression because my digs need cleaning, my fridge needs cleaning out, and I am in dire need of meds but I haven’t gone to Target to pick them up because I hadn’t had the $20 cash to pay for them.

I figured keeping all of this bottled up for weeks isn’t helping me and is in fact hurting me. So, that’s why I wrote it all down. I shouldn’t have gone to VividCon and spent $$ I didn’t have, and I shouldn’t have let the food in my fridge go off. And I definitely need to go tomorrow morning to pick up refills of my scripts, and some milk.

I have no idea AT ALL how I’m going to get myself out of the jam that I’ve been in for so long that I’ve forgot what it feels like to actually have choices, instead of what my life has been for months where I’ve basically had no choices at all that weren’t harmful in one way or another.

But not telling people is dumb. Because I need support from the people who care about me, and to not beat myself up over things I can’t change. I need to focus on what I can change, and then not accept any of the usual excuses for not doing the work.

So that’s where I’m at.

And cue my sister’s response, which was ‘do you recognise a pattern here?’ followed by ‘you need to ask mum and dad for money’.

no, what I need is a goddam motherfucking job. what I need is to not have nearly died, and then been further traumatised by how I was treated by my immediate family, not to mention coming home to find thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of my belongings gone, and having to then spend hundreds of dollars refunding buyers for purchases that were also thrown away. I need my parents to actually help me when I ask for it, instead of screaming at me because I had to pay all of my expenses from April/May/June with donations to a GFM because me begging strangers for money embarrassed them. what I really fucking need is not to be turned into a project but treated like a goddam person.

For the record, the CORRECT response to ‘I have been fucked up’ is ‘that sucks’ followed by ‘how can I help?’ and then actually helping.

That last line though.

So look folks, on top of what @taraljc says here (whose links to help her can be found on this post here) I want to point something out:

Sometimes it’s better to not offer help.

Do not say “How can I help” or “come to me with anything I can do” if you don’t actually mean it.

Story time.

When my dad was dying two years ago I spent a month in NY (which is far from where I live) with my family to help. It was me and my daughter staying at my parent’s house in the spare room. We shared a room and a bed. My daughter was 4 years old and not a good sleeper. We shared a queen sized mattress laid on the floor. For safety reasons when it was time for her to go to bed, I had to be in the room with her.

You’d think that meant I got lots of sleep but she’s a kicker. (And I don’t sleep well in the same bed as others.)

My cousin said, several times, “If there’s something I can do to help you, just let me know.”

And about 3 weeks into this I kinda lost it. My dad was dying. I wasn’t sleeping well at all. I needed some ME time, and I thought I came up with a solution. I went to my cousin and said “I need one night on my own. Can you take my daughter overnight – she and your daughter get along really well – and just let her sleep there one night so I can get a good night’s rest?”

She looked at me like I was crazy. “I can’t do that. I need sleep, Papa Fargo!” She did not, I’ll note, have a job to go to the next day or anything planned. She just couldn’t conceive of having a rough night’s sleep in order to let me get one good night’s sleep for the first time in a month.

If you’re offering to help someone in a horrible situation you should maybe expect that the help they need might be a little inconvenient.

If you’re not willing to inconvenience yourself to help, don’t actually offer help. Or offer specific help. Don’t say “Whatever you need” if your expectation isn’t to actually help however that person says they need help.

Otherwise you greatly risk damaging your relationship with that person.

yes. THIS.

butterflyinthewell:

Dear parents who post their autistic / disabled child’s embarrassing moments online…

I found all your most embarrassing diary pages from your teen angst days. 

I found all the embarrassing notes you wrote and never gave to your childhood crush. 

I found that humiliatingly awful fanfic you wrote in a notebook when you were 11. 

I found very unflattering photos of you playing naked beer pong in college.

I found a really gross video of you plucking your armpit hairs and checking your ass out in the mirror.

I also found someone’s cell phone recording of you wearing pissed-in pants while screaming and crying in your dorm room because you were too stoned to figure out how the toilet works.

I’m going to publish it all for the world to see without your consent.

Wait, what? You’re angry now? I’m treating you how you’re treating your autistic / disabled child when you share their meltdowns and toileting stuff on the internet. 

That’s how they will feel if they find all the stuff you posted about them.

Don’t use the excuse that they won’t understand or will never use a computer. You’re just layering on more ableism by assuming your child isn’t competent.

Stop embarrassing them online. They’re not pets, they’re tiny humans who will grow up into big humans and they don’t need their childhood days embarrassing them for the rest of their lives.

No, I don’t actually have anyone’s private stuff or n00dz to publish.