moonymango:

magicmumu:

matt-the-blind-cinnamon-roll:

jumpingjacktrash:

citizen-zero:

tbh I’d love a horror-comedy about a retail worker accidentally becoming a ghost/demon hunter because they’re just so unfazed by difficult and weird and bellicose customers that evil entities aren’t much more of a challenge.

“sir or ma’am or neuter, I’m going to have to ask you to stop crawling on the ceiling, you’re disturbing the other residents”

“please leave this place before I call the exorcist to remove you from the premises”

“company policy forbids me from accepting power from customers in exchange for my soul or firstborn child”

“sir, if you keep speaking to me like that, I’m going to have to end this spirit board conversation. have a good day, goodbye”

the walls start weeping blood. our hero gives a long-suffering sigh, walks away, comes back with a wheelie mop bucket and biohazard gloves. hey, it’s better than bathrooms on the overnight shift, at least blood’s not smelly when it’s fresh.

After facing Karen of the Many Coupons and Screaming Children, Asgortoh the Reaper of the Damned is no contest.

at least it pays more than minimum wage

Vampire, stuck outside the window:
L̴̠̍̚e̶͇̠̳͆͝t̶͎̺̥̔̇͠ ̴͚̈́̒m̷̧͂̒͘ė̷͍̲̊ ̵̞̥͍̀ḭ̷̪̎ņ̷̖̲̈́̾͝s̶͖̜̒̄̏i̷̥̾̅d̸͉̅̔e̶̥̲̓̿

Hero:
My apologies, but as I explained, the restaurant was closed 28 minutes ago. Come back tomorrow.