Told one of my friends that I unfriended my homophobic/transphobic uncle on facebook before coming out and they responded with “but how can you open his mind that way?” so just a reminder:
My job is to exist. My job is to be happy. My job is not to educate, I am willing to help you educate yourself, but above all else, it is my job to find peace that I’ve wanted for years. If someone does not make me feel good, why should I have to be a part of their life? I do not have to suffer so that others can grow. A blooming garden is not expected to keep it’s vines and weeds, so why am I?
“I do not have to suffer so that others can grow.”
Remember, it is not the responsibility, (nor can it be), of the oppressed to educate their oppressors.
Some of us want to educate. Some of us want to talk to everyone, some of us want to teach a few people close to us that there’s more to the world beyond their blinders. But those some are not and should not be all. If I want to teach others to grow, that’s my prerogative, but I shouldn’t assume everyone with similar experiences wants to or even can do the same.
srsly. I’m very much an “I WILL EXPLAIN IT TO YOU WITH LOGIC” type with people’s awful Facebook relatives. And a “no, you will just deal with it, I’m not even explaining at this point” type with my own relatives. (It comes with no longer caring enough about what they think of me.)
But the explaining is my stubborn choice. Because it makes me feel like I’m defending/fighting for myself.
The thing is, how many of the sweet, happy-ending kinds of coming-out stories that you hear, have ended with the family members googling whatever-it-is themselves, and coming around?
I always used to think the only option was to fight them. But now I think that the ones who actually care, who are actually worth having in your life, are the ones who do that work for themselves.
I remember when I was a teenager and I didn’t know what nonbinary genders were yet and only a vague understanding of trans-ness in general. I had a thought that was like “if I woke up tomorrow and I was magically a man, I don’t think I would mind.” And I know that a lot of people would probably make the conclusion that this makes me a trans man, but that’s not really the case here. I’m not a man. But I’m not a woman, either. It’s difficult to explain but I guess it’s kind of like… gender apathy? It’s why I identify the most with the “agender” label.
No for real tho. When I was trying to decide whether to transition or not, which was probably technically when I was a teenager lol, my thinking was basically, “I could probably deal with living my life presenting as either (binary) gender, and be happy (in life, not necessarily in my gender presentation) but if I woke up magically as one or the other, I’d be happier waking up magically being read as a dude.”
I feel like a lot of (nasty and ignorant) people would look at that as meaning that I wasn’t trans and just didn’t know what I wanted and would be unhappy with my choice later or something.
Mind you, the doctor, nurses, and therapist I had to see to get on T didn’t think that that was the case.
And fast-forward twenty years: this is still a pretty accurate take on my gender. I spent some years presenting only as a guy, some years presenting as a woman, got REALLY FUCKING TIRED of trying to pass as cis (in any direction, really), let my facial hair grow out again, and now I just do whatever feels right with my presentation.
Which, at least for now, basically means that I’m always visibly genderqueer. Eventually maybe I’ll get a binder I like more, and possibly pass more. Or, more likely, continue to confuse and sometimes delight people, but have a flat chest while I do.
(Eta: like themintycupcake mentions in the tags, feeling like this doesn’t mean you don’t experience dysphoria. I’d say it means that you always do, in fact, and that there isn’t really a good way out of it through transition for you.
Also, “I have to transition in this one particular way or kill myself” is not the only way dysphoria presents. It’s probably the most extreme way it presents. That doesn’t mean, as I sometimes see people imply, that if you don’t feel that way you aren’t trans.)
“They break into our country, steal resources, then do shit like this” continues to be the best accidental description of Mount Rushmore I’ve ever read
just once I want to see a good post critiquing makeup culture that doesn’t turn out to be made by some janky radfem blog
oh hey!! I’m not a janky radfem I can do it myself!
makeup culture is wack and normalizes a ludicrously high bar as the bare minimum women can do. I saw a “lazy"makeup tutorial the other day that listed 22 separate goddamn products. you’re supposed to buy and know how to use 22 different things on your face just for the privilege of being considered lazy and that’s uuuuuuh what’s the word? bullshit.
Really, five products could work, even 3. Just frame the face, eyes, lips, and you’re done.
0 products also works great
because I’m gonna be real here, the idea that 22 products is a minimum sucks but it’s really upsetting that any amount of makeup is the bare minimum at all
I would really just suggest some powder foundation, concealer, mascara and lipgloss/lipstick, or tbh just mascara works too, but that’s up to you
I’m sorry if I didn’t express this clearly enough in the original post but I’m not really looking for more concise makeup regiments. my intention was to point out how it’s Bad that makeup is considered a bare minimum at all, regardless of individual feelings on the matter
“But makeup makes some women feel better / more empowered!”
Consider why they felt bad about or disempowered by their appearance in the first place. Consider why the thought of leaving the house without even those five products on makes you uncomfortable enough that you recommend it to random women you encounter because you genuinely want to help them avoid feeling how *you* feel without makeup on in public.
There are things about makeup that are ABSOLUTELY AWESOME, but what makeup *culture* normalizes is (as said in the post above) that there’s a “bare minimum” a woman should be doing in the first place. That no woman’s face is fine to show to others just how it looks because their natural appearance is inherently flawed and in need of correction.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to feel pretty. It’s the fact that women are socialized to not feel pretty unless they have makeup on that we ought to be examining.
(And yes, it’s entirely possible to maintain the point of view that this is A Bad Thing while also appreciating amazing makeup jobs as the works of art that they are.)
Urocyon's Jaunts 2.0 
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