And speaking of gross bros thinking of nerd girls like fucking unicorns…
I was actually talking to a female client once about cannon-fannon and how much I love listening to her talk comics, and had a male client interupt us to tell me he has never met a chick that is into comics before, he’s never even heard of a girl being into comics before, and he has always wanted a nerdy girlfriend and that i absolutely MUST give him her number.
I actually had to explain to him that I wasn’t joking when I said she was out of his league. Yes, she is incredible, she is beautiful, she is intelligent, successful, highly knowledgeable and enthusiastic about comics, and she’s also not even going to look twice at you because literally all you got is that she fulfills a fantasy of yours.
Yes bro i get it, she’s your ideal girl. Trust me, she’s a lot of people’s ideal girl. And you’re not even on her radar. You’re not special because you’re into comics. She has a very wide range of potential partners to choose from and ‘never having met a nerdy girl before’ isn’t a good character trait, because it means you know zero women. Or zero women have trusted your creepy ass with the knowledge that they are into comics.
The most concerning part of that entire conversation was his complete inability to grasp the concept that she wouldn’t date him and his insistence that she would.
He insisted that I give her name/number/fb/actually call her and ask her to come to the studio (wtffff???) because he needed to meet her. And then just could not fathom that I refused. He seemed to be running on this idea that if she met him, she would like him. For no other reason than that he was into comics and he wanted a nerd girlfriend.
And I was somehow out of line for refusing to give my best freinds deets to this creepy nerdbro because I couldn’t possibly know that she wouldn’t be into him.
He got really upset.
He was in my studio for 45 mins arguing with me on and off about this and trying to push me into giving her number.
Out. Of. Your. League. Not on your level. Too fucking good for you. Not a possibility. You’ve got nothing she wants. You’re one of literally thousands who would want her. You have nothing to offer her. You tick zero of her boxes. You do not even meet the minimum requirements for me to even ask her.
NOT
HAPPENING
MATE.
This is why women don’t say they’re women in WoW, this is why women don’t say they’re into games irl. This is why women don’t hang out in comics stores. This is why nerd women hide one of these two aspects of themselves when interacting with nerd men.
Because you creepy as FUCK about us.
‘never having met a nerdy girl before’ isn’t a good character trait, because it means you know zero women.
the man who spents hundreds of pages describing trees and meals and worked out the linguistics of multiple fictional languages and the entire cosmology of his fictionsl world called the Beatles’ rehearsal sounds “indescribable”
The actual Beatles didn’t live in Oxford… Tolkien was complaining about the “indescribable noise” from a group of random young men in his neighborhood who wanted to become a “Beatle Group.” He really wasn’t a pop music sort of person. But no, it wasn’t the actual Beatles. He just didn’t want them to touch his film rights.
Tolkien was a regressive pastoralist who didn’t believe in refrigerated food. He also believed that Disney films destroy the aesthetic taste of children, harming their development and corrupting their ability to distinguish between trashy entertainment and art. So he absolutely refused to let Disney have his film rights either. Which was a good move, really
One of the most useful things I’ve learned about recovering from trauma is that my decisions need to be judged according to the incomplete information that was available to me at the time.
So, say I’m deciding whether to eat chicken at a restaurant. All evidence is that it’s a good idea. I’m hungry for chicken, and I usually feel good after eating it.
I eat the chicken, and I get food poisoning. The resulting illness causes me to fall short of responsibilities, and creates numerous problems for me and the people who depend on me.
What happened?
Trauma brain says: “This happened because I am Bad At Making Decisions. If I had made The Right Decision and not eaten chicken, everything would have been fine.”
Recovery brain says, “According to the information that was available to me, the chicken was unlikely to make me sick. Eating chicken was a Good Decision with Bad Consequences. This happened to me because I had incomplete information.”
The “trauma brain” response makes all decisions really hard, because each decision involves the prospect of being judged by a future self that has more information.
“Should I buy the $2 mouse pad or the $3 mouse pad? If I buy the cheaper one and it doesn’t work well, it will be my own fault for not buying a better quality one…”
(Then I might end up paying myself $1-per-hour to agonize over which mouse pad to buy, which is probably an ACTUAL unwise course of action.)
But if I foster the “recovery brain” response, I can start to trust that my future self will judge my decisions kindly.
“If I buy the cheap mouse pad and it doesn’t work, then I only gambled $2 on it. If I buy the $3 one and even it doesn’t work, then I’ll have more closely guessed how much I need to pay for a mousepad of sufficient quality.”
And then later when the mousepad doesn’t work: “Well, that didn’t work. At least I made a decision. The outcome has given me more information about the options available to me going forward.”
(Meta level: Decisions you made prior to reading this post about how to treat yourself were probably good given the information you had access to about trauma and recovery!)
tl;dr: Bad results are not always evidence of bad decisions. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt about why you do what you do.
Wait, you mean those are trauma responses? That’s not normal? Not everyone freezes up in complete error mode for 8 months because they can’t possibly spend 25 euros on a bag because it’s a luxury (my old one is too heavy for me to carry w my disability, but it’s not entirely broken either so I can’t. Justify. The. New. Bag.)
This is .. not normal?
Well, speaking as someone who also has a lot of chronic illnesses, it could be a trauma response or an “I’m not used to being this disabled” response. An abled person could reasonably shop around at thrift shops for a cheaper bag, and an abled person wouldn’t need to pay as much attention to their body’s needs.
getting new health problems means learning to make decisions based on an ever-shifting set of criteria (as I am learning on a daily basis). It’s super reasonable to freeze sometimes under those circumstances.
it is also a trauma response. it could totally be trauma.
Urocyon's Jaunts 2.0 
You must be logged in to post a comment.