Before I was diagnosed, my doctor hugged me and told me she would rather have cancer than have fibromyalgia.
Then, years into my battle against several illnesses, I became so frustrated because it seemed like people around me were more sad about the possibility of me ending my miserable life than they were about me actually suffering so much in the first place. I felt like it was so selfish for them to expect me to hang around sick and in pain just because they didn’t want to be sad about me dying. It wasn’t about preventing my suffering, it was about them preventing their own heartbreak. I wondered, “why doesn’t anyone care enough to actually try to reduce suffering and improve quality of life, instead of focusing so much on just making sure I don’t punch my own ticket?”
Suicide prevention is incredibly important (not that I would actually call my doctor’s and family’s efforts “prevention”—more like, not so subtle suicide surveys and guilt trips). And I know now that dying wouldn’t set anyone free, not my family, not myself, and certainly not any of the spoonies I’m still around for. But that’s how I felt for so long. I still wish organizations would focus as much on taking care of us as we are, illnesses and all, as they do on trying to find a miracle cure.
CBC made a good documentary on adult ADHD and part of it really caught me off guard because i swear they repeated verbatim my life story for the past 3 years
My ADHD manifested in excellent in-class work. Excellent understanding in discussions. Excellent participation.
My ADHD manifested in piles of homework left undone until the last possible minute, while I stared at them, thinking; “I want to get these done. I understand the theory. It would take 10 minutes. I want to start, why can’t I start?”
My ADHD manifested in fantastic reading comprehension – nigh impenetrable focus on interesting topics the first time I’m reading about them.
My ADHD manifested in a complete inability to focus on reviews or re-reads, mind skittering sideways and away whenever anything was boring or repetitive. I sat down to study, my books open, my eyes on the text, and my brain clawing its way out the back of my head to focus on something else – anything else. Focus, focus! [No.]
My ADHD manifested in Articulating wings half-finished but still beautiful, in beautiful lineart and half-hearted coloring. In stories written passionately for days until I forgot it existed and never returned. In projects started and forgotten and started and forgotten a thousand times until my bins of project supplies piled up and my bank account shriveled down. No, it will be different this time – I LOVE this new thing. This new thing is my world, my destiny, my Everything. I CREATE and CREATE and CREATE and never FINISH.
My ADHD manifested in confusion and surprise as time slithered away, hours passing like minutes and minutes seeming endless by contrast. An inability to gauge how much time had passed, was left, a task would take. An inability to hold dates in my head, because time didn’t feel consistent or even real.
My ADHD manifested in watching someone talk and not understanding a word they said – literally hearing sounds and translating out only nonsense. In thoughts so loud I couldn’t speak coherently. In a conversation across the room shattering an idea I was trying to hold. It’s hard to think when you’re already thinking about everything around you.
i hate when someone says “don’t make jokes about rednecks and hillbillies” and some white 21 year old trying to be ‘woke’ says “haha… go ahead and cry your white tears sweatie (:”
no one thinks it’s a racial issue against white people. that’s not why people say to stop that shit. it’s an issue of classism. because the truth is that the majority of y’all who think you’re amazing activists just REALLY fucking hate appalachian people, and i know that because y’all think it’s funny to say “karma’s a bitch!” when something bad happens to an appalachian state.
you don’t care about the poverty in the appalachia and you don’t care about queer people and/or people of color who live in the appalachia. you don’t care about education in the appalachia and you don’t care that these low rates of education mean higher rates of poverty and child poverty, which persist over the years. rural children are twice as likely to live in areas with persistent poverty. you care that poverty stricken children are statistically less likely to not have timely immunizations, have higher delinquency rates, and have lower academic achievement — but only when we’re talking about urban areas outside of the appalachia.
people in our region die earlier than most. mortality rates are higher in the appalachia, and they’re even higher for people of color that live in the appalachia. suicide rates are higher than anywhere else in the country by 17% — it’s 31% higher in central appalachia, and in rural areas within the appalachia, it’s 27% higher than metro appalachia. cancer morality rate is 10% higher, and it’s 15% higher in rural appalachia than metro appalachia. COPD mortality rate is 27% higher, and 55% higher in rural appalachia than metro appalachia. injury mortality rate is 33% higher, and it’s 47% higher in rural appalachia than in metro appalachia. stroke mortality rate is 14% higher — and you guessed it’s, these rates are higher in rural areas vs metro areas by 8%.
the rate of Years of Potential Life Lost, which measures premmature mortality from all causes of death, is 25% higher in appalachia, and 40% higher in rural vs metro areas.
the appalachia has an opioid epidemic. in 2015, our rate of death with drugs was 65% higher than the national average. 69% of those drug deaths were from opioids. these deaths have a connection to our poverty and education rates. the poorer you are, and the less educated you are, the more likely you are to die from an opioid death.
when i say “don’t make jokes about rednecks and hillbillies”, that doesn’t mean i think you’re being racist against white people (and again — the majority of people who claim this also happen to be white 🙄). i say that because you are perpetuating extremely toxic rhetoric about our region, you are promoting stigma, you are encouraging blatant classism, and you are furthering the idea that we somehow “deserve” it because our elected officials vote republican. it’s not cute. stop acting like none of us have the right to call you out on your classist bullshit. like i’m sorry if this comes off as too aggressive but i am sooooo sick of y’all thinking it’s funny that our region is suffering.
and before anyone asks me for resources and links: google exists. i did my research and you can do it too.
a big problem with the people who say stuff like this is they don’t realize just how many “rednecks and hillbillies” are non-white. there are so many appalachian and southern POC that also suffer through these conditions but people like to cling to their idea that the only hicks are white hicks, so they couldnt care less if places like WV or KY just fell off the map, and to hell with who it is that’s actually hurting.
people also act like it’s only appalachian and southern whites that voted for trump and that vote republican and it’s not true – half of all white women voted for trump. the rich ones and the poor ones. it’s not a problem that’s tied specifically to southern and appalachian white people but it’s an easy scapegoat and allows people to not think about what they’re actually saying.
as long as they can say that it’s just them shitty racist white hicks that are suffering, then they don’t have to actually care about them. they can ignore them and not do anything to help them. like another person said in the notes, the teacher strike in WV is a better example of leftist organization than a whole lot of the people saying shit about hillbillies have ever done but they don’t care about that because, well, theyre just white hillbillies so what does it matter?
Because I have gotten a lot of anti-rural life jokes thrown at me. Most people don’t know I’m from a rural area, because I currently live in a big ass concrete city, so like… The concept of rural is super obscure. I told someone where I live, and they thought I meant some place with some farms, so they were like “ugh, rednecks, that must be awful.” Fuck off, because I come from a place with real farms & rural land, and just cause you think we work at a super progressive place, and because you think “rural” folks are all Trump-humpin’ far religious right, LGBT-hatin’, POC hatin’ folks, that’s your problem.
So the place I grew up in? Yes, it tends to vote Republican, but in the current primary? There are folks runnin’ for Republican that very specifically want to support things what we need: there’s a major development that the city side of the state wants to produce, which means it would royally fuck over the rural side–it would destroy environmental reserves, especially, which is what we all survive off of in the rural areas. The Democratic side is literally the “bad” guy in the race. Destroying the natural resources of the area would be terrible for everyone–if you only care about POC, yes, it would screw them over too. Because we all live off the land.
A lot of the redneck types require the land, because remember: it’s cheaper to buy a box of bullets than it is to buy meat for the year. That’s how most folks I know who are poor survive… And this is why I struggle in the city. I’m used to thinking “If I need to, I could always trust the forest & river.” If I need food, it’s there. It’s in the land; I can plant it, or I can hunt, fish, and forage. If I need something, I could… Make it. Because materials… They exist. Somewhere, out there. But the city? I have to fucking buy berries? So I don’t eat them too much. I need wood? I have to fucking buy it, what the hell??? I need leather? I have to buy it; I can’t just ask a friend to barter for it (or maybe pay ‘em, but the leather out here is more pricey). Especially as an artist, this astounds & disgusts me in some way. You can barter, too. I helped out a friend on their family cow farm; they gave me meat & a skull. You can weave and whittle. There’s a sort of backup.
But the city is harsh and expensive. We can’t maintain a garden here. I can’t trust the land to provide. Even suburbia suffers that. So the poorer you are, the less you can live in a city. And its not like it’s all happy & fun in the rural areas. Poverty is shit. But to me, I feel a little safer. Sometimes you barter… (At least its pretty; the city isn’t very peaceful or beautiful.)
And yea??? There are queer folks in rural areas. And a lot of the ones I know find it horrifying, the idea of leaving. I went back early this year & chatted to one woman I know, who is a lesbian, and she was… Sort of disgusted at the idea of leaving and of the hatred that city folk have of rural areas, especially through an LGBT lens. There’s a major communicative disconnect, because what works for LGBT rights in the city doesn’t work for the rural areas, and this ends up drowning out the rural folks’ voices. Which is especially dangerous, because they may not be great support for the issues of rural LGBT folks. This stereotyping or hate of rednecks/hillbillies/rurality is damaging the people ya’ll claim to say you’re trying to help.
Teenage alcoholism is so important to recognise. It is not healthy to be getting absolutely wasted a few times a week and sometimes young adults become alcoholic without realising it. If you are unable to have a fun time without drinking or you feel like you need to drink when others are in an overwhelming way then consider getting help.
No really. Get help. It starts with parties, and then it’s “lol im just sad all the time” and before you know it everything is awful and you’re spiralling out of control. Don’t get sucked in and don’t let tumblr Depression Culture make you think it’s normal.
See also: wine mom “culture”
PSA:
If you’ve been drinking for a while – like getting drunk every day for years – and you want to stop, please go get help from a rehab center or an emergency room. Because of how alcohol works in the brain, quitting cold turkey is dangerous. Narcotics withdrawl gets the press because it’s painful and unpleasant, but withdrawl from alcohol (tranquilizers like Valium fall into this category also) can kill you.
You know what really pisses me off about that “it’s all in how you raise them” mindset though? It makes good owners feel like fucking shit.
I’ve owned Diego since he was four months. I did everything with him, socialized the hell out of him, he loved other dogs when he was young. We went to training classes, etc.
And then one day when he was about eight months old he jumped a dog. He no longer tolerated strange dogs.
And I felt like fucking hell. I believed that “it’s all how you raise them” shit. Here I am doing my best with this dog, and he turns out like this! I seriously considered rehoming him.
It took a lot for me to get out of that stupid mindset. I took him to behaviorists and trainers who all pretty much said the same thing – that’s his personality.
I don’t know where I’m going with this post. It just ticks me off.
This was my biggest downfall with Daedra. Daedra was aggressive from day one. He was a shit. I remember before he turned 2, I called up a local trainer, and I was pretty straightforward: “He tries to kill other dogs. Can we still be in a class?” She let us, and guess what. It was hard. People gave me looks. My aggressive dog wanted to take out dogs twice his size. We were given lots of space.
We went to class, it didn’t get better. I got help from other trainers. I did a lot of punishment based shit with him. I did stuff that hurt me – my dog lost trust in me, still wanted to kill other dogs. I didn’t know what to do, because clearly, somehow, I was fucking up because it is “how you raise them” and border collies are SO well known for being “dog friendly.” Clearly, the issue was me.
I stopped doing anything public with him. He was a time bomb, he had bitten me once when he was like.. four? I should have gotten stitches – I was SO certain he was going to be taken from me and put down, I didn’t go. Still have scars now. I couldn’t trust him, he didn’t trust me, so I stopped everything with him. My sport dog became just a pet, I turned to Vivec, and it stayed like that for a few years.
When he turned 6, I found out a trainer I had been following on Livejournal lived in the same town I had moved to. I went to her, one on ones, for two fucking years. Daedra got a bit better. I got better. I mentored under her. Still some aversives, but nothing harsh. I went to another trainer. We trained for agility. We competed.
He still wanted to kill other dogs. He just loved me more and I was hell of a lot more likely to be careful with him. I got to where I’d defend him, block off dogs, tell people to back off with their “friendly dogs.” My dog isn’t. Mine will try to kill your dog. Give us space.
And in the end, you know what I learned? It’s genetic. I talked to someone else that had a sibling of his and she had aggression issues as well – not to Dae’s extent, but her dog did. She knows someone else with a sibling.. same thing. While Dae is definitely an aggressive dog, there’s more going on with him than “just” aggression. It’s clear something is wrong in his head, but still – it isn’t “how he was raised,” it’s the fact I obtained a dog that just happened to be a lot on the aggressive side of the scale. It isn’t something I’d do again, as now in his old age, Daedra is a LOT to handle, but it just goes to prove sometimes dogs are aggressive and that’s okay.
I still can never understand how people can believe dogs can be bred to have herding instinct (which is modified prey drive) or be from hunting lines but not believe they can be bred to be aggressive.
I always think of this the other way around with Mango.
She’s a rottweiler, so a breed prone to being aggressive. And she was neglected as a pup, when I got her she was skinny, half bald with mange and jumpy if you moved to fast around her head. And she was the wriggliest, friendlisest pup you could ever imagine (if a little shy, which she still is). If it were all in how you raise them, she’d be a mess.
She’s been home about 3 days in this picture:
All she wants to do is play. She wasn’t raised well, I can’t take any credit for her there, it’s just her.
This.
*pulls out a large scattered pile of handwritten notes stuffed into various textbooks and notepads*
LET’S HAVE A TALK ABOUT SOME MOTHERFUCKING REACTION RANGES, KIDS.
A reaction range (or range of reaction) is the intersection of nature and nurture in terms of traits which are variable, complex, and (in some way) quantitative. Things like wariness and intellect are not ‘quantitative’ in the same way that jelly beans in a jar are but they are called so in this instance with the understanding that ‘qualitative’ means things like, spotted or drop earred. With quality you either are or your aren’t. With quantity there is a possibility to be more or less of a trait. (Please hold comments on how dogs can be more spotted or less spotted, etc… This is how these things are defined in this setting, just bear with me)
So, with this in mind, friendliness, or it’s converse, aggression, are both defined as quantitative traits. You can be more friendly or less friendly, more aggressive or less aggressive. It is a spectrum. In a simplified imagining of this you have one side which is an imaginary dog who never knew a stranger, absolutely loves everyone and everything and would never snap or growl under any circumstances, on the other sides is another, equally imaginary dog who is aggressive towards everything and everyone, knows no ally and never has accepted a kind hand in its life.
These are extremes. In the grey area in the middle lies every dog you have likely ever met in your whole life and every dog you are likely to meet ever. These are also specific. The spectrum for dog-agression is not the same as human-agression, not the same as prey-drive, and in real life is often separated between sexes and sizes and personalities of other dogs. (ie; same-sex-dog-aggression, larger-dog-aggression)
This is where the nature comes in. Each dog (and creature) is born with a set range of possible outcomes for these quantifiable traits, in this case dog-friendliness (we will ignore the narrower categories for now and try to put them in this simpler umbrella). If we set this spectra on a scale of 1-150, higher numbers being friendlier dogs, then a sample dog, must fall on this number scale.
So, we have a litter of puppies and pick one at random, we name him Tom. Tom is a Shepherd mix who we know, though our all-powerful hypothetical powers) is born with a reaction range from about 80-111. As he matures Tom can land anywhere on this spectrum of friendliness from 80-111.
This is where nurture comes in. If we clone Tom twice and give Tom1 to a deprived home with no training and almost no socialization and that will abuse him, Tom2 to an average home that is well-meaning and offers some training and socialization and treats him pretty well otherwise, and then we give Tom3 to an enriched home, a dog expert who trains him well, socializes him from the first day, and loves on him as often is appropriate, each Tom will grow up to fall on different parts of the reaction range. Tom1 ends up on the lower end of the spectrum, around 83, Tom2 is mid-range, around 92, and Tom3 is on the high end of the spectrum, around 108. The more enriched environments give the best possible outcomes.
Now we introduce another dog, Miguel, a hearty little Lab mix who was recently rescued from an abusive home. We know that Miguel has a friendliness range from 97-125, higher than Tom. So, we compare him to the three Toms. (pretend this is friendliness not IQ)
Miguel is more friendly than the equally deprived Tom, and just as friendly as the average Tom, despite having a poorer quality of life. If given to a home which is patient with him, Miguel may have a chance of rising higher on his scale and, one day, may be even friendlier than the enriched Tom.
But, you may ask, can Tom ever be as friendly as an enriched Miguel that is at the tom of his reaction range? No. The absolute answer is no. Each dog is born with their own innate range, woven into their very core by the wonders of genetics. You can make a dog as high on it’s range as it can go- but it can never go higher. Tom will never be able to be as friendly as Miguel, but the Tom raised in the enriched home will be much friendlier than the Miguel who was raised by the deprived home and received no help, too little help, or help too late.
How does this influence how we look at our own dogs?
The reaction range warns us to all heed the over-arching themes within each breed type– they exist for a reason. Chows were bred to guard and will be more wary of strangers, Hounds were bred to track and will follow their noses, and fighting breeds were bred to be dog aggressive and will be more likely to not get along well with others. You may have the most dog friendly, well bred and trained Cane Corso in the world, but realize that it will never be as friendly and amiable as most any decently bred Golden raised to it’s full potential, and getting it there will involve your hard work and diligence.
But it sets that breed is not always destiny. The lines a dog comes from are important too and there are poorly bred Lab can be born with a lower than expected reaction range & visa versa. Other times neurological issues, hormone imbalances, or psychopathology, along with other possible issues do play a role.
It also encourages us to train the dog that we have- not the dog we wish we had. If you have an aggressive and reactive dog but wish to play flyball… you are going to have to think realistically. If you can’t even walk on the opposite side of the street as another dog without having to pull all the stops to keep your dog under the control of it’s training (leave it!! watch me! watch me! good boy! sit. good boy! watch me!) and keep it from snarling and lunging- then congrats, you have taken your reactive dog and made the best of it’s genetics by bringing it to the top of it’s reaction range. BUT you would be making a mistake to try and get this dog to do more than it can, or at least to try after getting strong feedback that it would be unfruitful to try again.
It does not make you a failure of a owner or trainer that your dog can not do the things that the dogs of others can. Read that again.
It does not make you a failure of a owner or trainer that your dog can not do the things that the dogs of others can. If anything it makes you a wonderful owner and trainer to recognize what your dog is capable of and strive to bring it to the best of it’s ability without pushing it to an impossible goal.
So, do your research when choosing a breed, talk to the shelter or breeder extensively, gauge what your dog is capable of, and accept the roof of possibility when you hit it. Every dog is unique. Your dog is your dog and no one else’s- all you are expected to do is make it the best dog it can be with the genetic code it was born with.
Your dog is special, remember that. *closes notes*
NEW noise canceling headphones that are so good at blocking out sound that they even prevent you from listening to your own music, forcing you to bask in the whispers of the forgotten gods until you begin to hear your own brain falling apart as it descends into madness
“Carothers was convicted of 2nd-degree murder in 1999 and was charged with 2nd degree murder again in 2011 before pleading guilty to a lower charge, the Daily News Journal reported.” –
Being 18-25 is like playing a video game where you’ve skipped the tutorial and you’re just sort of running about with no idea how anything works
Being 25-30 is like later on in the game when you’ve figured out how things work, but have made poor leveling decisions along the way and are now horribly underpowered for what you’re supposed to be doing.
Urocyon's Jaunts 2.0 
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