if you want to ask a bisexual or asexual person about their sexual history to verify that they’re queer, but you don’t want them to take it the wrong way, try this useful communication technique:
give them twenty dollars and go away.
As a bi person, I can attest to the beneficiality of this method.
As an ace i second that^
if twenty dollars doesn’t work for you then forty dollars is also fine
I’ve heard that some Aces like myself are also willing to take fifty or even one hundred dollars so don’t be afraid if you need to go higher.
a gift of good food also works. remember to ask about allergies first.
so because the bar exam is in the swanky part of boston, I had to get a hotel room in the swanky part of boston, because if I did I got a discount
and holy jesus it’s the twilight zone of rich people
this is the room service menu. guess how much a bowl of cereal costs. like, not fancy cereal, I mean a bowl of unadulterated cheerios.
…
whatever you guessed, you were wrong, it’s ten fucking dollars
oh but maybe you want something even less interesting. oatmeal’s like, what, 50 cents a bag?
JUST KIDDING IT’S ALSO TEN BUCKS
do you want something with protein? how about eggs? okay, that can be a little expensive, there’s egg shortage and labor’s involved and look, whatever number you’re guessing in your head, it’s NOT HIGH ENOUGH
oh but it’s fancy because it has ~woodland mushrooms~
do you want to know how much a glass of milk costs? GUESS HOW MUCH A GLASS OF FUCKING MILK COSTS. I’LL WAIT.
FUCKING SEVEN DOLLARS. do you know how much that is? right now, a gallon of milk is like three dollars at walmart. I could buy TWO GALLONS OF MILK AND A GLASS TO DRINK IT WITH for the price of this shit.
I finally understand this gif. this is how rich people actually think. holy fuck.
A conversation between me and a seven year old I had tonight
Child: why do your fingers look like that?
Me: like what?
Child: lots of circle scars
Me: oh, I chew on them when I get upset or nervous
Child: why?
Me: uh, well its sort of hard to explain. *awkward pause* do you know what autism is?
Child: yeah, two kids in my class have autism
Me: I do too, and thats why I chew on my fingers. It helps me calm down when I dont feel good. I also have a necklace that’s sort of like a baby toy that I can chew on, since it isn’t good for my hands.
Child: oh. Why dont you have it now?
Me: I can’t find it
Child: why not?
Me: because I lose things a lot.
*a couple minutes go by*
Child: what does autism do to you? The kids I know were born with it but can you get it?
Me: I was born with it too, you can’t catch it because its a problem with your brain, not your body like a cold or something. But the doctors didn’t find out until last summer.
Child: last summer? But you’re really old!!! (I’m 17 lol)
Me: a lot of the time doctors can’t see stuff like that, because its a brain thing.
Child: oh I see.
Me: autism affects people differently, but for me it makes it so that I don’t like loud sounds, and I can get really upset and cry and scream.
Second child who is listening in: like a baby?!
Me: a bit, but its not something i can control. Its called a meltdown and its the way my body reacts to things like loud sounds or stress.
Second child: so like a temper tantrum but not on purpose?
Me: yeah!
First child: do you like having autism?
Me: yeah!!! Its really cool!!
Child: how? It sounds bad.
Me: well, you know how when youre happy you smile and laugh? when I get happy, I get super happy, and I jump in circles and flap my hands. It looks a little bit weird but its natural to me, just like smiling is to you. You dont even think about it.
Child: are you happy now? Your hands are wiggling.
Me: oh yeah they are!! I am happy, I like talking about autism!
Child: really?
Me: yeah i think its cool!!
The conversation kinda changed to other things from there, but aaaaa!! Kids are so great!!!!! They dont judge and they want to know why things are, not just that things happen, its great!!!!
Years ago when I told my little cousin at a party I had aspergers he kept calling it ass-boogers cause he couldn’t say it right so I toted him around to everyone at the party and had him say helen has ass-boogers because in my mind it was the funniest thing ever
“One woman, in a wheelchair, sat in water to her waist when emergency responders arrived. They could not accommodate her chair and told her they’d come back. They never did.”
Urocyon's Jaunts 2.0 
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