miseriathome:

butts-bouncing-on-the-beltway:

xenoqueer:

What I’m about to say next is not intended to shame you, but out of all the messages I’ve gotten in light of the recent discussion of age differentials, I think this is in my top 3 for most heartbreaking.

The age difference between 24 and 26 is almost nothing. Even among teens, a two year age difference is not especially concerning, but among adults, it would be completely normal for you to refer to each other as being the same age.

You’re adults, with jobs- literally the same job, possibly. The power differential that makes age differences a point of concern when young teens are involved is not there. It literally cannot be. The only possible power differentials in this relationship obligatorily come from other axes.

I am so very sorry that people have planted these ideas in your head.

You would not be taking advantage of him. You might need to file paperwork with HR, but that’s the sum total of concerns you should have about pursuing a relationship with him (assuming he is open to a relationship as well).

Even if he’s never dated anyone before, he’s an adult who can make his own decisions about what he does or does not want to do with you. The only impact one partner having more dating experience than another should have is that you might have more ideas about shit to do together beyond dinner and a movie, maybe.

I have literally never in my life had second thoughts about exclusively dating people older than me. Some were as little as 6 months older, others have been older by more than a decade. These age gaps were never especially relevant to our relationships because we always met and bonded through shared life experiences that placed us as peers.

A person doesn’t have to be your exact age to be a peer. That’s some elementary school grade bullshit. A person is your peer because they share a social position, a set of life experiences, and things like that. There are so many ways for a person to be a peer. And in the end, what is most important about a relationship is respect. Respect can come under so many different circumstances.

My current partners are 5 and 6 years older than me, and they treat me with respect and decency and autonomy and I work to do the same for them. We are PEERS and we have many areas of connection and shared experience. This is FINE. The only way you’re doing dating wrong is if you are failing to respect each other.

Given any two people, there will always be power imbalances. Power isn’t always institutional and the power that one person holds over another won’t always map easily onto their identities. Rather than trying to plan out relationships based on perceived power im/balances, you might just be more successful seeking out relationships that are fulfilling and working together to mitigate the effect of the power imbalances in your unique dynamic–especially since you won’t always be able to identify them before they arise.