myceliorum:

lierdumoa:

benfael:

stars-glow-for-you:

fierceawakening:

ferenofnopewood:

jumpingjacktrash:

moldytony:

was cruisin my tl & this is so fucking important

i think the moment i was disillusioned about life was when i was maybe 7 years old and realized the reason all my friends had become assholes was because boys aren’t allowed to have any physcial contact that isn’t fighting

my parents were hippie feminists so my brother and i could play clapping games and sleep in puppy piles and give each other weird hairdos, but all the ‘normal’ boys just up and stopped knowing how to touch anyone without hitting sometime between kindergarten and first grade

and my little kid mind briefly saw the vastness of life stretching out in front of all of us, and all the hugs everyone would need and not get, and for a moment i was just like

maybe life is not such a good idea after all

I grew up around a Russian ballet school. Let me tell you something about Russian men: They touch each other. Especially dancers, who are in my experience almost always super tactile people. They rough house like Americans, but they also hug each other, and sit on each other’s laps, and share blankets when it’s cold backstage.

So I grew up knowing full well that the whole Men Don’t Touch thing was puritanical bullshit.

What I was absolutely not prepared for, however, is the super intense effect it has on straight men’s romantic relationships.

Because when you are literally the only person it is okay for your boyfriend to touch, Jesus fucking Christ, that changes the game.

I strongly suspect that a lot of Str8 Dude feelings of entitlement to women’s bodies, particularly the bodies of their wives and girlfriends, is a direct result of those women being the only non-violent physical contact they’re allowed to have.

I know for certain that the framing of any and all platonic physical contact as un-manly has been directly responsible for a lot of sexual dysfunction (and then the attendant misery of trying to get that treated at the ripe old age of 22) with at least one of my exes. It’s a mess when you can’t get it up because you’re depressed and want to be held but you’ve been brainwashed into thinking what you actually want is sex because being held is for girls.

Amazing how the erectile dysfunction went completely away when he learned the difference between feeling horny and feeling cuddly. /sarcasm

“I strongly suspect that a lot of Str8 Dude feelings of entitlement to women’s bodies, particularly the bodies of their wives and girlfriends, is a direct result of those women being the only non-violent physical contact they’re allowed to have.”

Omfg

No wonder the worst of them seem crazy… profound isolation does exactly that

When I taught in Japan, the boys were all super comfortable with each other. They’d sit on laps and hug and roughhouse and it wasn’t seen as bad ? Like it surprised me at first, but then you realize the problem is with so many men feeling that they have to prove… something? I dunno. I personally don’t like hugs or touches, but that is my own personal reasons and nothing of how I was brought up.

Thank you all for this.  Specifically @ferenofnopewood.

Because when you are literally the only person it is okay for your boyfriend to touch, Jesus fucking Christ, that changes the game.

Things I never thought of…I couldn’t imagine if my husband were the only person I was allowed to touch.  As I think on it, that extends to the kids, too.  The dudes aren’t allowed to really even cuddle their own damned children or nieces and nephews.

Wow.

Also explains why western media romanticizes co-dependency in romantic relationships to such an insane degree.

Also controls what people look at. I child watch in public a lot. Like people watching but watching kids specifically. Talked to a guy who said as a man and a brown man especially he has to control his gaze so it never falls on a child stranger in public. And he works with kids for a living and loves kids! But has had close calls especially with white parents. I’m gender ambiguous looking but white and disabled and whatever one of those makes a difference could be several, but I strike people as far more harmless even though I get sirred enough to know many people take me as a dude. (Genderless biofemale with more than the usual facial hair and endocrine issues that affect appearance.) I don’t get in trouble for merely watching kids and feel terrible that anyone does just based on perceived gender and race. Like he has to watch where his eyes go to keep from being taken for a sex offender or something and that’s just not right. Like stalking kids would be creepy but watching them run around being cute in public should just be a thing that happens and glancing at them shouldn’t be an issue.