theunitofcaring:

I think like half of what’s going on all the time in social justice is that people are articulating what’s going on in the community/subculture/activity group/friend circle they’re in, and describing it in a way that’s just a little vague – not even unreasonably vague, just a little vague because it’s hard to find the precise and specific words for a phenomenon you’re just starting to think about. And then people in spaces with different dynamics and concerns and problems reading it, and thinking it applies to their space, and generalizations spreading which aren’t actionable or clear or well-defined or helpful to anyone involved.

We cannot and should not try to solve this by making it harder for people to talk about what’s going on in their community or subculture, because that’s hard enough to do already. So the place for improvement is the place where we take someone’s description of how the straight people in their gay club (or the rich people in their socialist club or the white people in their racial justice club) are making it suck for them for subtle and complicated reasons, and run off with it as a universal rule like “allies back off” or “if you’re privileged shut up” or “be aware that talking about your feelings with your friends is an unfair demand for emotional labor” or “don’t appropriate that word”.

None of that is advice that’s always wrong. It often originated in communities and subcultures where it was good advice. But it’s all advice that I’ve seen propagate off into communities and subcultures where it’s terrible advice. 

For example, “allies back off” is probably good advice for a support group where people are talking about coming to terms with their identity, but it’s terrible advice for a Get Out The Vote effort. 

“Don’t appropriate that word” often comes up because someone coined a new term to articulate a very specific and important concept, a lot of good conversations started, enabled by the term, and then a much broader circle of people started misusing it and now it was gone. But once “don’t appropriate that word” is out there, it also fuels arguments between people who want to tell other people to stop identifying as queer. 

So – if you’re in a group where a lot of people share an experience you don’t share, and they’re telling you ‘hey, create space for us’, then I’d take that seriously. If you’re instead hearing that on the internet and it’s making you second-guess how you relate as a friend and a fellow human being to the people around you, then I think I’d assume it’s advice for a different context. No advice is for every context. 

If a piece of social justice advice is getting in the way of achieving good things for people in the world, or getting in the way of relating to your friends and classmates and fellow activists as real human being whose experiences matter, then that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s bad false advice, but it does probably mean that you’re trying to apply it in a context that isn’t the right context for it. Listen to the people around you about how they want the space you’re creating together to function. Take the internet as a source on the vast and varied ways humans can help and harm each other and a way to expand your understanding of what other people are like, not as a source of rules that definitely apply to your situation.