Hey, we’re two trans women who still can’t make rent or pay for electricity, gas, and food without assistance. We’ve actually managed to get some of the money sorted that we’re entitled to, but for the rest, and especially for rent, I still have to ask for help. Our shortfall is £1100.

If you can help, my paypal is

Reblogs are appreciated. Thank you.

£840 to go! Thank you so much to everyone who has helped so far.









When communicating to someone about a sensitive topic, I’ve found it’s helpful to explain why you want to talk about it. If you say you’re worried, or hurt, or just needed to get it off your chest, it can help the other person not get defensive and then more completely process what you’re saying. 

Many relationships die by a thousand little cuts. Little problems that on their surface are penny-ante. But the real offense, the hurt, is unresolved. And the little hurts pile up and the resentment builds until things fall apart.

It’s very easy for people to read a bad intent when you’re communicating a problem. Sometimes it’s a natural defense mechanism, if you think someone is just being shitty then you don’t have to really hear them. But it can just as often simply be an incorrect assumption. Communicating your intent can stop that from happening and help the conversation come to a more fruitful resolution.

But if you break it down, your intent is not just a lubricant to keep the conversation productive. Your intent is the point of the conversation. More often than not the problems we have with each other are not the real issue, it’s how those problems make us feel. When you communicate your intent, you’re fully explaining the issue that needs to be resolved.

“I’ve been missing you, could you skip your TV show tonight so we can play a video game together?” works better than “You don’t give me enough attention.” or “you watch too much TV.”

Or “I suspect it’s just my anxiety, but I’m worried that you’re angry with me because you’ve been kind of quiet.” is better than just “Why are you so distant?”

For years I worried that we couldn’t discuss problems because it would cause a fight. That was how the world I lived in as a kid worked. Having a partner who is open to hearing you is huge, but choice of wording helps even when you have a partner who wants to hear you. 

very good advice. it really helps when you give the other person something actionable. a request, a suggestion, an offer to brainstorm. don’t complain; troubleshoot.

you don’t have to be emotionless or conciliatory. it’s ok to express anger. just be mature about it, and respect the other person. don’t go on a power trip, don’t leverage your legitimate gripes to make them grovel. keep your eyes on the prize. if you don’t know what the prize is, the next step is to tell them so and invite them to help you figure it out, not to moan until they miraculously do the right thing at random. even when you’re super upset you can still apply these skills.

wrong: “this place is a damn landfill because nobody but me does any housework!”

right: “there is some serious housekeeping fail going on around here. it’s kinda driving me bugfuck. i want to sit down and take a look at how we do the housework, because how we’re doing it right now sucks.”

see how the second one doesn’t blame? blame’s not important. responsibility is important, but that has to be worked out calmly or it’s not going to be functional. the first person is picking a fight; the second person is trying to solve a problem. you’ll notice they’re not smoothing ruffled feathers or acting apologetic, they’re clearly quite annoyed. but they’re aiming their anger at the situation, not the person.

even if they are angry with their housemate, working those feelings out is beyond the scope of the conversation. trying to combine venting with chore planning is, imo, the number one cause of screaming kitchen fights on planet earth.



It also really doesn’t help that any kind of (hopefully) temporary problem with access to funds throws me straight into “Oh Shit, We’re Totally Broke!!!” poverty panic mode.

With OCD Jerkbrain adding loads of extra fun, and plenty of experience for it to work from.

Being aware this is happening does help with perspective some. But it’s still a PITA to deal with.

No doubt part of the reason that instead of asking for takeout, I decided to play Kitchen MacGyver today when I was super stressed and really did not have the energy.

Better to use what we have, make extra sure not to waste anything, and COOK BEANS 🙄

So, that debit card didn’t work again when I tried that ATM today. Seemed worth another try, just hoping. NOPE.

So, I finally got it together and called the bank a little while ago. Just about gave myself a stroke, but I got fed up and figured my half-deaf ass trying to deal with them through not-so-accessible means would actually be less stressful than continuing to drive myself crazy worrying about it.

This time, the person I got was actually pleasant enough to deal with–and it turned out that there is no problem with the actual account after all 😧 (Which may have had something to do with the guy staying pleasant.)

That was the same ATM I tried multiple times, one just up the street, and it’s possible that the specific machine wasn’t playing well with my card. It may be a chip problem requiring a physical card replacement, which would be a tad inconvenient but no biggie.

I didn’t want to try using the card elsewhere after it got declined, since in past experience when the balance is fine? That’s always happened because they’d put a block on the account. (And all but one time, when there was an actual data breach, that’s been thanks to false positives with their fraud detection 😬)

Anyway, it’s a relief to find out that the account should be fine, and totally usable. Except possibly with that ATM. Should definitely be able to use it online. So I’m not functionally broke after all.

The whole thing also prompted me to request a replacement card for the joint account, after the last scheduled one just didn’t arrive. Handy to have backup available, regardless.

Fighting feeling kinda bad over accessibility problems making me put off getting after the bank for days. But, disability.