bittersnurr:
funereal-disease:
funereal-disease:
I feel like 90% of what gets called “allyship” is just, like, being a loving person and listening to people’s needs
like, my boyfriend is unequivocally not the type of person to reblog “10 ways to support autistics” types of posts. he would probably make fun of that, actually. but he sure did get me out of that restaurant in five seconds flat when I went into sensory overload. and held me in a compression hug as we walked. I am still nonverbal and he is just lying here next to me and texting me that he loves me.
and it all makes me think of that one Mel Baggs post – how sometimes the people who save your life are the same people purity-minded activists would have you discard. my boyfriend is Problematic as fuck and he is also so loving and caring and gentle I could weep. this is not a contradiction because he is a person and people are allowed to contain multitudes
Upon further reflection, I think this is one of the reasons – possibly the main reason – so many disabled and neurodivergent people have Issues with social justice dictums. Our advocacy needs tend to be more personal than political. There’s an intimacy there that doesn’t necessarily translate to lists of ways to support X. As such, we are often in a better position to engage with our allies as *human beings* rather than as avatars of social change. If you trust someone enough to ask them to lie on top of you when you go nonverbal, or to help you into your wheelchair, or to change your catheter, there’s an inherent engagement with shared humanity there.
At that point, I can’t bring myself to care if they’re “challenging media portrayals of disabled people” or any of the other things such lists contain. They are caring for me in a far more direct and personally salient way. And I think a lot of nondisabled activists, having never relied on other people for such care, underestimate the importance of that. Their idea of advocacy is more abstract.
Also there is the problem a lot of the people who are supposed to be allies… are really not good at accommodations outside of established norms. Like I would be uncomfortable telling strange allies my needs because they might label it “maladaptive coping” even if what they have decided “health coping” happens to be triggering to me.
I have been more at home in the presence of edgy troll types that happened to actually consider me a friend then allies who consider themself basically a chaperone or something. Accessiblity and purity don’t really mix well.
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