Just as a sidenote on that discussion around no-fault divorce (and UK legal space).
A marriage is where you stand up in front of your family, friends, and (often) God to promise that you’re going to stick with this person for the rest of your life. Where I come from, adults keep their fucking promises.
Actually, I never promised any such thing, and wouldn’t have been willing to if it had been required. (Same with the “forsaking all others”, for that matter.)
Precisely because I do take oaths very seriously, and cannot in good conscience promise that. Shit happens, and it’s impossible to know how the situation may develop over time. I’m not going to promise things that may be impossible to deliver even if I wanted to. That’s a ridiculous thing to promise in advance, without qualification.
(Not even starting into the very different ideas about what all gets lumped together as “marriage” across societies. Which may or may not look much like what that commenter wants to consider universal. But, not everybody attaches the same stigma to divorce. At all. And the lifelong thing comes bundled along with some very specific religious/cultural ideas about marriage.)
The only specific statements actually required in a civil marriage ceremony in England and Wales?
I do solemnly declare that I know not of any lawful impediment why I [name] may not be joined in matrimony to [name].
and
I call upon these persons here present, to witness that I [name] do take thee [name] to be my lawful wedded wife / wife-husband / husband.
That’s it. You want to make other vows to one another that are personally meaningful? Go right ahead. But, it’s not required in any way. Two statements affirming that you intend to marry the other person, and hey presto! You’re legally married.
(As usual, it’s a little different in Scotland, but the requirements sound pretty similar. I couldn’t easily find the actual legal declarations there.)
We actually went with our local register office’s default ceremony, because there was nothing anybody objected to. Which was a bit of a pleasant surprise, tbh. They did a pretty good job at keeping it secular.
Anyway, it’s totally possible to have a wedding without the rest of your life even coming up. Thank goodness.
A woman who wants to divorce her husband of 40 years because she says their marriage is unhappy has lost her case in the supreme court.
Five justices upheld rulings by a family court and the court of appeal that Tini Owens must stay married to Hugh Owens.
Tini, who is in her late 60s, wants a divorce. She says her marriage to Hugh, who is in his 80s, is loveless and has broken down.
She says he has behaved unreasonably and that she should be allowed to end her marriage. Hugh, however, refuses to agree to a divorce and denies her allegations about his behaviour. He says that if their marriage has irretrievably broken down it is because she had an affair, or because she is “bored”.
so i know that tumblr is super focused on the usa and women’s rights over there, but this is really fucking important case in uk law
unlike the us, the uk doesn’t have no fault divorce. you have to have been married for at least one year before filing for divorce, and then you have to pick one of five grounds under which divorce is permitted
adultery – 14% of divorces, but only counts if you didn’t continue as a couple for six months afterwards, unless the affair is still ongoing or there’s more acts afterwards. fun fact, however – if you are in a civil partnership instead of a divorce, you can’t use this ground at all! really fucking shitty, am i right?
desertion – if your spouse left you for more than 2 years in the last 2 and a half, then this ground is usable. only 1% of divorces are under this ground, however
2 years separation – 27% of divorces, as it requires mutual agreement between the couple
5 years separation – 13% of divorces, this is what the court has told ms owens she has to use, and she can only file under this ground in 2020. this is used in cases when your partner objects to the divorce, shittily enough
unreasonable behaviour – 45% of divorces, and this is what ms owens used when she filed. to quote the government’s page on divorce, your spouse must have “behaved in such a way that you cannot reasonably be expected to live with them”, with examples of abuse, violence, and drugs/alcoholism
(note – scotland has slightly different divorce law, as it changes the 2 years separation to 1, and the 5 years separation to 2. no much better, but a little)
and long story short… three different courts (the family court, the appeals court, and now the supreme court) have all declared the examples ms owens used to be insufficient
now, the president of the supreme court, lady hale, said she found this “very troubling”, and another judge said he was very reluctant to give this judgement, and my thoughts on that are….. eh
unlike the usa, judicial activism is generally a no-no, and so both the appeals court and the supreme court have said parliament would need to amend the 1973 matrimonal causes act, which laid out the grounds for modern divorces
which really needs to happen as the last time divorce law was updated was in 2004, when the government mandated that if a transgender person was to legally transition, they needed to divorce their partner before they were allowed to. which is its’ own entire bullshit, tbh, and has been repeatedly brought up as an example of how shitty the uk is wrt transgender rights
so yeah…. i’m pretty sure a campaign is going to start because of this case and the supreme court’s ruling, and i’d really appreciate it if non-uk people would raise awareness of this gigantic goddamn issue in our country
I had no idea that Britain didn’t have no-fault divorce. Good for them! No-fault divorce is pure evil, completely indefensible by any moral standard.
The causes that Britain allows for seem quite reasonable. If nothing else, they’re a little too lenient.
what the fuck is wrong with you?
A marriage is where you stand up in front of your family, friends, and (often) God to promise that you’re going to stick with this person for the rest of your life. Where I come from, adults keep their fucking promises.
There are legitimate reasons for divorce. Some of them are given above. But no-fault divorce is defined as divorce for no reason. It’s divorce because you got tired of being married. It’s divorce because you apparently aren’t an adult and can’t keep your fucking promises.
Keep your fucking promises.
In every state that adopted no-fault divorce, whether unilateral or by mutual consent, divorce rates increased for the next five years or so. But once the pent-up demand for divorces was met, divorce rates stabilized. Indeed, in the years since no-fault divorce became well-nigh universal, the national divorce rate has fallen, from about 23 divorces per 1,000 married couples in 1979 to under 17 per 1,000 in 2005.
It turns out that using state violence to enforce your personal definition of morality leads to more domestic abuse, more suicide, and – yep – more divorce.
I feel like this is an important lesson to keep in mind in general.
(Also, no-fault divorce is not, actually, “defined as” no-good-reason divorce, it is ‘no obligation to have enough evidence of your circumstances to satisfy the government’. It is really, really important, under lots of circumstances, that one not have to navigate dozens of layers of bureaucracy on the way to safety. And if you add those dozens of layers of bureaucracy in order to invasively verify that someone’s personal circumstances meet your standards, well, you’re causing suicide, domestic violence, and higher divorce rates in order to feel good about yourself. If we’re calling policies evil here…)
I know a lot of you guys don’t want to reblog those posts about the wildfires in Greece because they’re too long, so I figured I would make a shorter post for y’all.
Here is a link on how to help and what the current situations are, and here is a direct link to the fundraiser.
As someone who has personally been affected by fire, I would really appreciate if y’all could sb this??
I have never made any type of post like this and it’s going to be long and annoying but I just can’t fucking take this anymore. I’m Sophie, I am a 19 year old latina girl who has been living with an abusive man double my age for the last couple of years after running away. I feel trapped here and I have no means to leave safely at all. I’m mentally ill and on disability which doesn’t leave me with any room to get away from him and he is extremely controlling even when it comes to money and what I should have to owe him for living with him.
I have no family to lean on and the friends I did have, he has cut me off completely from them. He’s smashed my phone when he got paranoid leaving me with nothing and no one. He monitored my phone and my social media so I have had to make separate accounts to try and hide him from seeing what I post. Not only that but he is racist, he hates women, believes in white supremacy, thinks that all girls should only be with men and give themselves to men whether they want to or not.. it just goes on and on and never stops. He always talks about genocide, thinks women ask for too much, ect. He has actually gone to jail in the past for assault. He threatens me with violence if I don’t do the things he asks for all the time and my mental health has gone downhill since I came here. There are so many things that have happened that I can’t even talk about.
I am always being taken advantage of, threatened, manipulated into sex, into giving him money, just so that I won’t be out on the streets with no where to go. This type of life is making me want to kill myself if I can’t get a change soon but I am terrified of the thought of leaving him. I want to get a restraining order so that he can’t come after me, but if I do that I will have no place to live because I can’t afford the apartment I live in if he’s not here. I need help getting out. There is no way I can afford to pay a deposit, pet fee, and first months rent on a cheaper apartment with the income and type of life I have right now. He knows about how much money I bring in a month, and with my bills and everything I have very little. I know what I need is a lot, my goal is around $500 dollars even though that won’t begin to cover it, I don’t expect much help at all. Even a couple dollars I have that I can hide from him will hopefully add up.
I was at risk of being homeless when I met him because of leaving my family. I thought that because he had issues too that he was a good person at heart but I can’t take the way that he treats me anymore, it has only gotten worse. If you don’t believe me, or think I shouldn’t be asking for this kind of help or think this is all my fault just block me. Ihave had too many people act like I am over exaggerating or that I’m crazy. I will just block you.
my paypal email is sophimazziotti@gmail.com if you can help at all and if you cant i understand I know everyone is struggling and other people need more help than I do but I would be so thankful if you would please please reblog this post for me. Thank you.
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