1. You have an enormous black dog which must be walked for four hours daily or it puts its excess energy to use in lighting witch-fires in awkward places. One day you were feeling a little ill, so you asked the unreliable narrator to walk the dog instead. The unreliable narrator faithfully walked the dog for four hours. It is a complete mystery as to why everything is on fire.
2. You hid under the grand staircase to escape that thing that was knocking at your window in the height of the storm. Now there is a ‘delivery failed’ notice on the mat. You are going to have to pick up your artisan cheeses from the local depot twenty miles away.
3. The malign spirit possessing you has lapsed on its ghastly rent, and as a consequence you have been re-possessed by a bailiff. It is somewhat alarming to be in the possession of a supernatural bailiff. Your body spends more time in the high court of the dead that you would like.
4. You came to this graveyard on the cliff over the sea at the dead of night with the intent of digging up the grave of your long-lost love, which you believe to contain the silver dagger that alone can settle her unquiet ghost. It is a stressful situation. You were never very good at numbers when stressed. You believe you may have taken twenty rather than thirty paces from the old yew tree and may in consequence have dug up a badger.
5. A dread raven has settled over your door, from which it hourly proclaims your doom. You made a plan to get rid of the raven. The raven network appears to have got hold of this plan, because another smaller raven turned up to perch on the shoulder of the first and proclaim its doom. Now a third, even smaller one has turned up. You have recursive ravens. There is probably a lot of doom about to come down.
6. Lacking a cellar, you have walled up your rival beneath your floorboards. Unfortunately your rival is a mouse and seems to be enjoying it down there. Will the cheese board will never be safe?
7. Now that they the have closed the refinery across the bay, the mist no longer descends over the high moor at night and as a consequence gruesome deeds cannot be done unnoticed. You have a huge to-do list of gruesome deeds. The local undertaker has started to call you up regarding supply chain issues.
8. You have been staring into this abyss for some considerable time. It is not gazing back. In point of fact it is ignoring you completely. It looks like you will be going home alone tonight.
9. Your grandmother has refused to pass down the ancestral curse, instead bequeathing it to the local cats’ home.
Day: December 2, 2017
Good Guy Burglar
no you don’t understand.
he fully knew that he’d be arrested for breaking and entering but he still reported this.
he know he’d go to jail, but he put human decency before his own freedom and called out this disgusting sexual perversion.
and if you don’t think that’s the tightest shit ever get out of my face.
My question is how the hell does this guy have the morality to report it but breaking into someones house is okay for him?
What an oddity.
Think of it this way:
You can fall on hard times and turn to theft even though you know it ain’t right.
You don’t fall on hard times and suddenly become interested in diddling kids.
^^ exactly
this dog that i dogsit for is an actual angel sent from heaven, evidence:
- he’s 100 lbs and so gentle i don’t need any special collar or leash or harness to walk him, ever
- he was meant to be a service dog but he was too shy so he became a rescue, can u even imagine
- so well behaved he waits for me at the tops and bottoms of flights of stairs until i tell him it’s okay to go ahead up/down the next flight
- he somehow communicates to his dads how much he loves me bc they tell me every time i leave and they come back he’s sad ?? my son !
- he knows that if it rains or snows or he gets wet he needs to wait at the bottom of the stairs inside their condo to be towel dried
- he is trained to towel dry himself; i hold out the towel and he wiggles his body through it back and forth until i dry his tail and that’s his signal to go ahead and go inside
- he hangs out by my feet all evening making big impatient huffing noises until i go in the bedroom with him and sit up in bed doing whatever i’m doing so he can sleep by me
like i feel the need to reblog this post bc i neglected to include evidence:
- loves pets and attention but is shy so once given pets and attention basically loses his mind and rubs his face all over you while not knowing what to do with his entire 100 lbs self
- always a slut for chin scratches
- spots of white on chest and toes and chin
- will pretend to be scary at men when they come into the house until i reassure him it’s ok
- other dogs Love him bc he’s so big and so sweet and so chill and it’s fun to walk the best looking dog who is also the nicest dog while everyone around you is like “wow ur dog is so cool” like thanks i made him
- if u ask him ‘who’s a good boy?!?!’ he seems genuinely concerned it might not be him until you confirm such to be true
Please always confirm to him that he is not only a good boy but the best boy
I have some work I wanted to get done, so now I’m feeling like a wrung-out dishrag after opening that crap from the bank. As some indication of the kind of shape I’ve been in lately.
Maybe after some rest and food. But, we’ll have to see.
@kelpforestdweller – Thanks! And you too.
Somewhat ironically, the major reason I finally caved and sent my passport off for the DVLA to lose was public transport getting so inaccessible for me. When that was still a reasonable plan, I was cycling places locally rather than brave the buses. Much less exhausted and more functional by the time I got home that way.
Driving myself wouldn’t help me much with trying to get to the embassy in Congestion Zone Hell, but it sure did help me get more day to day errands and shopping done when I was back home. And that was before my health had time to take this big a nosedive.
I’m pretty sure the $135.00 fee is a good bit higher than last time, too. ($65-75? I don’t remember for sure, and really don’t have the spoons right now to try and find out.)
At least that isn’t as big an additional barrier as it would be for a lot of people. Which is basically the only good thing about this whole mess that I can think of right now
(What probably should be) minor freakout time again.
I got a letter ftom HSBC oh-so-helpfully requiring me to resubmit multiple forms of ID to them. Given the fact that it is apparently selective and the timing, I have my suspicions that it may indeed be related to the “hostile environment” garbage–if a bit sneakier than I would have expected. If nothing else, it may be a preliminary weeding step.
[New sections 40A to 40H of the Immigration Act 2014 (inserted via Schedule 7 of the Immigration Act 2016) will require banks and building societies to make checks on existing account holders if requested to do so by a specified body, and to notify the Secretary of State if the person may be a ‘disqualified person’ (basically, an irregular migrant).]
My status should be totally “regular”…and surely they never foul anything up. *hollow laughter*
Anyway, of course they’re requiring valid photo ID. Which of course I do not have access to right now. Guess I had better figure out a way to manage an embassy appointment to get a replacement passport sooner than later, never mind my health situation keeping me from doing it already.
Hell, I’m already not looking forward to trying to get to Snappy Snaps for US regulation passport photos–and that’s right in town. I’ve just been that close to housebound for over a year now.
I’m too stressed to check for the deadline right now, but I would not be surprised if it’s more hassle dealing with them, with it probably taking longer to get the passport.
(Even more pissed off right now about the DVLA losing my passport. Otherwise I would probably have both that and a driving license to choose from for the damned bank 😠)
I mean, I have been stressing over not having that for a while now. I really need a passport. But there have been legitimate problems with trying to remedy the situation. Having to keep telling myself that right now.
Hopefully it will be doable with cabs as close to door to door as possible. Mr. C will voluntarily hump luggage all the way through public transport to avoid taking a cab to/from the airport, and I really hope it won’t take much explaining why (a) that is just not going to work, and (b) I don’t feel safe handling the trip alone now even with more suitable transportation. Just not much patience, and hopefully there won’t be any static about it.
I cannot reasonably function with the good old cash under the mattress approach if they block my accounts. (Even assuming his aren’t next…) And I obviously can’t change banks now. That wouldn’t have worked without a valid passport, even before the government decided to get this nasty.
Not a lot of good options here. And this is just too much on top of pretty much everything else going to shit.
Better figure out something pretty fast, though, because it’s not like there’s much choice. Which makes me even madder about all of it.
Also, looking at the embassy site, under required documents:
Evidence of U.S. Citizenship – Such evidence may include but is not limited to: U.S. birth or naturalization certificate, Report of Birth Abroad or an expired U.S. passport.
Valid, government issued photo I.D.(such as a U.S. or foreign passport, drivers licence or military I.D)
Which of course I do not have now. The only photo ID I’ve had for years was the passport. Last time I had to get a replacement (another concern, with it being a repeat request), I still had a valid Virginia driver’s license–though I don’t recall them wanting to see other photo ID then. That was in 2008, though.
(For most purposes here, you’re still OK without any.)
What I do have: Two expired passports (including the temporary one from before 🙄) and my birth certificate, etc. Hopefully that will be enough to satisfy them. As unsympathetic as I do tend to come across, especially when I’m doing “highly stressed autistic person”.
Not much I can do about any of that, either ¯_(ツ)_/¯
(What probably should be) minor freakout time again.
I got a letter ftom HSBC oh-so-helpfully requiring me to resubmit multiple forms of ID to them. Given the fact that it is apparently selective and the timing, I have my suspicions that it may indeed be related to the “hostile environment” garbage–if a bit sneakier than I would have expected. If nothing else, it may be a preliminary weeding step.
[New sections 40A to 40H of the Immigration Act 2014 (inserted via Schedule 7 of the Immigration Act 2016) will require banks and building societies to make checks on existing account holders if requested to do so by a specified body, and to notify the Secretary of State if the person may be a ‘disqualified person’ (basically, an irregular migrant).]
My status should be totally “regular”…and surely they never foul anything up. *hollow laughter*
Anyway, of course they’re requiring valid photo ID. Which of course I do not have access to right now. Guess I had better figure out a way to manage an embassy appointment to get a replacement passport sooner than later, never mind my health situation keeping me from doing it already.
Hell, I’m already not looking forward to trying to get to Snappy Snaps for US regulation passport photos–and that’s right in town. I’ve just been that close to housebound for over a year now.
I’m too stressed to check for the deadline right now, but I would not be surprised if it’s more hassle dealing with them, with it probably taking longer to get the passport.
(Even more pissed off right now about the DVLA losing my passport. Otherwise I would probably have both that and a driving license to choose from for the damned bank 😠)
I mean, I have been stressing over not having that for a while now. I really need a passport. But there have been legitimate problems with trying to remedy the situation. Having to keep telling myself that right now.
Hopefully it will be doable with cabs as close to door to door as possible. Mr. C will voluntarily hump luggage all the way through public transport to avoid taking a cab to/from the airport, and I really hope it won’t take much explaining why (a) that is just not going to work, and (b) I don’t feel safe handling the trip alone now even with more suitable transportation. Just not much patience, and hopefully there won’t be any static about it.
I cannot reasonably function with the good old cash under the mattress approach if they block my accounts. (Even assuming his aren’t next…) And I obviously can’t change banks now. That wouldn’t have worked without a valid passport, even before the government decided to get this nasty.
Not a lot of good options here. And this is just too much on top of pretty much everything else going to shit.
Better figure out something pretty fast, though, because it’s not like there’s much choice. Which makes me even madder about all of it.
The idea that the Jews secretly control the world is laughable for so many reasons, but not least because the Talmud is what happened the last time Jews had a crack at making descisions that important and the Talmud is 6200 pages of inconclusive debate, contains digressions on topics like ‘how should girls go about removing hair during Passover?’ and ‘what does ‘dead’ really mean anyway?’, and is still being argued over 1500 years later.
“There is no Jewish conspiracy to control the banks. You know why? Because we can’t agree on a place to go for dinner! We couldn’t even get the meeting started!” -Jon Stewart
Antisemites: Jews have a secret organization that controls the entire world
Jews: and by entire world, does this include the world to come, or merely this present world? Well, according to Rabbi Akiva, if you take the Aramaic word for “entire” and apply the Gematria and then add eighteen…
Urocyon's Jaunts 2.0 
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