a small bird got loose in the store earlier and it was super freaking out about being inside. bonking into the lights on the ceiling, frantically squeaking, etc. so of course, i want to help this tiny critter, and the managers want it out, because we’re a grocery store and we cannot just Have A Bird.
what i MEANT to convey to my supervisor was “i raised chickens for ten years and also sometimes i catch feral pigeons in the park to de-string their feet and do first aid so if you need help catching this finch i can probably do it.”
what actually came out of my mouth was “i catch birds in my spare time.”
which was, judging by the look on his face, the most terrifying thing anyone has ever said to him.
“Andy Goldsworthy is an extraordinary, innovative British artist whose collaborations with nature produce uniquely personal and intense artworks. Using a seemingly endless range of natural materials—snow, ice, leaves, bark, rock, clay, stones, feathers petals, twigs—he creates outdoor sculpture that manifests, however fleeting, a sympathetic contact with the natural world. Before they disappear, or as they disappear, Goldsworthy, records his work in superb colour photographs.”
There is a documentary on him and his art on youtube! It’s called Rivers and Tides and it is fucking amazing and incredibly inspiring everyone should see it.
good morning everyone have an absolutely furious mongoose
It’s cuter when you recognize that the lion with visible spots is a juvenile. There’s a very high chance the other lion that runs over to investigate is the MOTHER.
The first lion is asking for comfort because she was given a big spook!!! and she needs mommy to tell her it’s safe and ok!!!! (What’s cuter is that mommy clearly reassures her, and goes on to take the parent role of ‘deal with the scream rat in order to protect my large and easily frightened daughter’)
based on extensive observation, I believe that my cats have only a tenuous grasp on how much of my body is “me”
It’s like, Head: definitely Big Friend, note eyes and noise-hole.
Hands: 90% certainty of Big Friend, 10% possibility of toy. comprised of two main parts, the rubby-rubby and the wriggly-scritchers. does Big Friend control them with her mind? the mechanism is unclear.
Arms, aka “Cuddle Snakes”: do these help Big Friend’s hands from getting lost? good place to sit.
Torso: ??? we have no idea what this is. smells like Big Friend but serves no observable purpose. treat as terrain.
Legs, see: “The Lap Conundrum”: 25% chance of Big Friend, totally uninteresting. WHEN LAP: 90% chance of Big Friend, excellently warm. where does the lap go? our finest cat scientists seek the answer to this mystery, but no breakthroughs as of yet.
Feet, aka “Twitchy-Kickers”: 10% chance of Big Friend, 90% chance of foe. all attempts to communicate have ended in hostility. Destroy on sight.
Urocyon's Jaunts 2.0 
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