micchi-monster:

bpdzoldyck:

A note on the topic of trauma that I personally found helpful in accepting the idea that I am a trauma victim is that one of the most widely accepted facts in the field of trauma research is that abuse is often not the common factor in whether somebody will develop ptsd. 

Many people can go through awful things without developing trauma based disorders as long as they receive compassion and support in processing those events as they happen. The most common factor in developing something like ptsd is emotional neglect. And emotional neglect on it’s own can be enough. 

Whatever you went through was enough I promise, you’re not overreacting. Abuse and neglect are traumatic at any level, you don’t need to have gone through the worst possible experience you can think of to develop ptsd. If it hurt you then it hurt you.

…..oh.

For those of you trying to move out

autistiqueer:

diabetic-decaf-dragon:

aprillikesthings:

heavyfishcannon:

fluorescentnova:

forcoloredgirlswhodgaf:

dynastylnoire:

dryyice:

rampyourvoice:

journey-to-my-throne:

dynastylnoire:

Talk to the potential land lord about making installments toward your down payment.

This is how I got out my mom’s house both times.

Each pay check start buying things you need for your place. Family Dollar has just about everything that you will need when it comes to hygiene and keeping the place clean.

If it’s safe talk to your other family members to see if they have furniture they want to donate. Most elderly folks especially have lots of furniture they don’t want cluttering their house and they will love to see you.

Craigslist has a section for things left on the kirb. I got my kitchen Cart free and delivered to me when a couple got sick of theirs

Don’t forget to buy a shower curtain and liner….just don’t lol

Once the apartment is secured talk to the utility companies before you get there. If you have no credit or bad credit they may want you to pay a deposit….I found out the hard way after I moved in. It was not a pleasant experience.

Crock pots are your friends

….you will be broke alot. If you have a car or are thinking about getting one, one job probably won’t be enough to sustain you.

The first time I moved out I had 20 dollars to last me until I was paid again. So I ordered a large cheese pizza and ate that for two weeks.

….if you are leaving an abusive situation you may question if you did the right thing a lot. I had panic attacks before and after I moved out.

This does not mean you were wrong to move. It just means the abuse tricked your brain into thinking moving out would be bad for you.

Your apartment probably won’t look how you want it to for a few years and that’s ok. It takes time to build and afford your “aesthetic ”. Don’t feel bad if your apartment is just a bed, a coffee table, and if you are lucky maybe a used sofa. The peace you will have when you close the door and lock it is phenomenal.

Oh if you eat meat chicken thighs and drumsticks are always cheap as are pork chops. Buy them in the large packs, separate them while defrosted into zip locks, throw them the freezer

Craigslist also has a free section. With enough diligence and scrutiny amazing treasures can be found.

Public libraries have free Wi-Fi and cheap printing for resumes, school projects, etc.

Most places like McDonald’s, IHOP, etc have coupon codes on their receipts for completing online surveys. End up with two meals for the price of one.

There are usually local listings for food pantries that you can get groceries from. I have the full list for the NYC area, I’ll post it later.

Also don’t underestimate the power of a thrift shop.

As someone who plans to move within the next year, good tips.

seagroot

Adding:

For boxes go to the grocery store or family Dollar type places and ask if they have any boxes they can give you. If you work in an office ask the receptionist or the folks in the mail room.

Qvc and hsn have easy pay payment options that will allow you to get items sent to you while making monthly payments. They sell some furniture, mattresses, computers, tvs, etc. Definitely better than lay away, but look out for them over charging.

Counter top dish washers are awesome if you hate doing dishes and your land lord allows them

Salvation Army usually has pretty good deals on furniture. Check with the manger for daily deals. Also check liquor stores for boxes they usually have plenty to spare and they’re always very durable. Check stores like Walmart and Kroger around 7-8pm for deals on whole rotisserie chickens for $3. They’re usually trying to get rid of them around that time. You can make a chicken salad with mayo, mustard, and red onion. It will last you all week for under $6, or you can just eat and store the chicken for a few days.

Also check out https://www.freecycle.org/ !!! We’ve gotten some decent furniture off there and you can post if you’re looking for something specific, too.

I don’t want to sound patronizing, but check if your local dump/ recycling center has a side building where they sell stuff. I found a good dorm fridge/ microwave combo, a decent office chair, and a big ass desk, for about $40 altogether. And they let me take home a bunch of D&D books and other crap for free. Since it doesn’t cost them anything to supply, you can get really nice deals.

My $0.02: Roommates can save you a lot of money, but it can be tricky to find roommates you get along with, and shitty roommates can be just as stressful as shitty family. 

Things to think about when looking at rooms for rent/finding roommates:

Why did their last roommate move out/why are they looking for a new place? (My best roommate situation, the previous roommate had lived there four years and was only leaving because she’d gotten engaged to someone in another city! One of my worst, he’d kicked her out for being “a party girl,” and it turns out he was a judgmental douchenozzle.) 

How clean do you like your apartment? How clean do they like their apartment? Everyone needs to be brutally honest here. What are all of you willing to live with? How do you prefer to split up chores? Weekly chore wheel? “It looked gross so I cleaned it”? Not bothering to do jack shit until company comes over? Do you prefer to rinse dishes and put them in the dishwasher every time or do you leave them out in a stack until there’s enough for a load? How much will it drive you bananas to live with someone who does things differently than you? (I had an ex who went apeshit when people left dirty dishes in the sink for any reason at all, and none of the rest of us cared. This lead to a lot of pointless arguments and resentment all around.)

What times do people sleep? Do they have to have things quiet? Do they watch a lot of TV? Do they like to host parties? Do they drink or smoke? Are they allergic to your favorite food? Will they be grossed out by the things you like to make and eat? Do you prefer to share meals occasionally or is it completely fend-for-yourself? What amenities will you share? (Cooking oil, laundry detergent, etc.) Do they like to be friendly with their roommates or merely polite? Is it okay for someone to bring someone new over for the night? Is everyone’s job (or other source of income) steady enough to pay their share? What will you do if someone is short one month?

Friends-of-friends is often a good way to go, but definitely still ask some questions, and trust your gut feelings. 

I know this shit can sound scary, but I’ve had some amazingly good roommate situations with people I grew to care about very deeply as friends, and who’ve been a positive part of my life even years later! And personally, there is just no way I could afford to live in close-in SE Portland without roommates. 

If leaving an abusive home:
Other people doing he same are your best friend and also worst enemy. Be completely honest about triggers, fears, so on. I’ve lived with my roommates for 2 years now, sometimes we have issues where traumas and such butt heads, but we all know how to work them out with each other.

To people leaving abusive situations: get your important papers before anyone has a hint you plan to leave. Save them in a safe location, elsewhere if necessary. I mean things like social security cards, birth certs, and identification. They can be replaced, but it can be difficult to replace one if the other is missing, so if you have at least 2/3 you’re much better off. (Trust me.)

Ebba Grön – Staten Och Kapitalet

One via Mr. C, who brought it up as the music he tends to associate with the same political era that keeps me looping back around to the Dead Kennedys. (“try the synthpop again”)

I am woefully ignorant of Swedish punk history, and was interested in the pointer. He’s never been that into punk, but they were apparently hard to miss around Stockholm when he was growing up.

A bit more context with an English translation: Staten Och Kapitalet

The capitalists need a workforce, and the state is the supplier
The one hand knows exactly what the other hand is doing

Plus what looks to be the live version featured there, since the video embed is broken.

(Ebba Grön on English Wikipedia.)

That was one totally unexpected berserk button with my mother, though. I was really taken aback when she encountered the Dead Kennedys (had somehow missed the existence of that band name until like 1990), and immediately started frothing at the mouth. It was scary enough when she went off normally, but jfc that was a startle.

With about the same reaction to the Jane’s Addiction cover of the Rolling Stones’ “Sympathy for the Devil”, too. (I shouted out, “Who killed the Kennedys?”/When after all, it was you and me) She could never stand the Stones, and had apparently also missed the original for over 20 years at that point 🤔 Had snarky shit to say when she heard JA after that, too.

I mean, she was usually not like that with music at all. And would have been pretty much on board with DK’s general politics. But, apparently those assassinations were very specifically Not A Joke. I didn’t know anything not directly personal was so totally off limits to get that kind of reaction, but obviously that felt personal.

That was extremely weird to deal with. And it’s not like she wasn’t pretty volatile in other contexts.

berlynn-wohl:

ismenetruth:

berlynn-wohl:

arandomguy163:

Its like the 80’s all over again, a remorseless madwoman runs the UK, a maniacal bastard runs the US, the world’s on the brink of nuclear war and all I want to do is listen to synthpop

star wars, ghostbusters, and mad max all pass the bechdel test now tho

that helps with the deja vu but tragically not the crushing fear of nuclear apocalypse

try the synthpop again