Hyena Ratings


Spotted Hyena: The classique hyena. Definitely what we all think of when we hear “hyena”. Very good round ears and a really big and cute nose. Also, very powerful jaws that make it a very good eater. Has a very beautiful laugh that deserves to be heard. The perfect doggo imitator. 15/10

Striped Hyena: Pointy ears that do a great job picking up sounds. Loves the night and enjoys hunting in the darkness and being home before sunrise. Loves to scream, and scream loudly. Owner of a set of two beautiful eyes. Also, a wonderful actor, able to fool other animals by playing dead. 13/10

Brown Hyena: Beautiful, beautiful hair! Most likely has a very good hair care routine. The rarest hyena there is, so it deserves to be cherished. Very strong jaws, capable of breaking bones shortly after birth. Very scary to even larger predators, but they have a heard of gold. FANTASTIC snoot. 14/10

Aardwolf: The SMALLEST of hyenas. Please be gentle! Really loves insects, especially termites. Has a long and sticky tongue used for eating termites, making it one of the world’s most profound bleppers. Has a cute fuzzy tail that should be considered one of the wonders of the world. Has tiny ears, tiny paws, and a tiny nose. Overall very dainty but also, very tough. 13/10





A barbarian warlord, a goblin king, a mighty necromancer, and a dark elven high priestess meet for one reason… To play Suburbs and SUVs, the hottest mundane suburban family Tabletop RPG!

“Can I roll to have a meltdown in the middle of the PTA bakesale?”


“To make Karen look like a bitch.”

I like this post because if you follow the analogy, the characters are going to explore the suburbs and fight an SUV. 

“The SUV turns on its headlights. You are now considered blinded for *rolls a d4* 3 rounds.”

Finally a use for “I attack the gazebo.”






Okay, I’m trying to find a clean recording of that rockabilly scat song using the names of Star Wars characters as vocables that appears in the background of one scene in Jesus Christ: Vampire Hunter, and do you have the faintest appreciation of what a minefield trying to search for “star wars scat” is?

Almost as awkward as googling ‘Star Wars Cantina Music” by the name they give it in-universe! 

Imagine having to explain “Jizz music” in your browser history.

If I recall correctly, the cantina band isn’t actually playing jizz music; you’re thinking of Jabba’s palace.

(I only know this because “Evar Orbus and his Galactic Jizz-Wailers” was the answer to a trivia question once.)

Nope. Figrin D’an and the Modal Nodes (the Cantina Band) are jizz musicians as well.

Well, I suppose jizz does get around.