Day: January 12, 2018

fullyarticulatedgoldskeleton:

finoliatav:

saxifraga-x-urbium:

majestic-1:

tanaebrianab:

People with good parents get so offended when abused children speak negatively of their parents. Like…REALLY offended lol.

They say things like “Your mom would do anything for you” and “Your parents sacrificed a lot for you!” and “I don’t respect anyone who talks down on their parents.”

But just because YOUR parents would do anything for you and sacrificed a lot for you doesn’t mean it applies to all parents. We don’t have the same experience boo. You can’t tell me shit about what my mama would do for me. All moms and dads are not created equal.

PLEASE UNDERSTAND THIS.

my favourite was always “oh you just don’t understand how hard it is/was for her” 

no, i do, she was constantly telling me that in between hitting me and depriving me of food, literally fucking pinning me to the floor and crying about how i made her so tired all the time

also you know what’s also hard? being a child who is 100% responsible for their parents’ emotional wellbeing and blamed for it when they have literally no control over what happens

UGH THIS

I wonder how many of those people were actually treated badly by their parents but forgot because things are okay now? Being told to be grateful to the person hurting you is an intrinsic part of abuse, and I think the more intuitive reaction to hearing other people talk about abusive parents when your own were not abusive is horror, not outrage towards the victim for speaking up.

When people get angry and jump to the parent’s defense I think it’s because they internalized abuse culture, not necessarily because they assume everyone’s parents are good. It indicates that the very  idea anyone’s parents could be bad is absolutely taboo and should not be talked about, regardless of the truth.

fuck-customers:

Funny story from the other night:

A dad came into my cafe with his 3 year old daughter.  He bought her a cookie and himself a coffee.  They sit down, and I go back to my pre-closing cleaning.  Three minutes later the dad walks up to the counter again, so I stop cleaning and walk over to greet him again.

As I’m in the middle of saying “hi” he cuts me off and says “Water.”

Not “Can I get a glass of water, please?” not “Where can I get water?” not even a confused “water?” like he’s not sure how to get water in this cafe.  Just a single word demand.

I work in silicon valley, so I’m kind of used to techies talking to me like I’m Siri or Alexa, but it still always drives me crazy when they do this.  Like, I don’t even care about the “please” anymore, I just want people to talk to me in complete sentences.  So I get the guy a cup of water, and he sits back down. 

As I’m about to go back to cleaning I hear his daughter go “Daddy, you did that WRONG.  You have to say ’CAN I have a glass of water PLEASE’”

My jaw hit the ground.  The dad suddenly became flustered and tried coming up with excuses “I-I said please…” “No you didn’t!” “Well she was busy…. I didn’t want to bother her…..” “You still got to be polite!”

When they were done eating the dad brought the dishes back to the counter and said “Thank you so much!” It’s amazing how fast someone’s manners can improve when a 3 year old calls them out.

Shout out to whoever is teaching that little girl manners, because you know it’s not her dad.  I hope she never stops calling rude people out.

dopekanna:

haintxblue:

this is such a silly thing but I see the tide pod memes are on the rise and I just want to shout into the void that I read a study about people eating these things, mostly adults with dementia. before this progresses to people jokingly biting into them please be aware that the substance inside is so deeply caustic that it can damage your esophagus after one bite to such an extent that it causes necrosis and you die. please do not, as a joke, bite the pods.

OP is referring to this Consumer Reports article on cognitively-impaired adults eating detergent pods.  Also, don’t get the liquid in your eyes.

This initially sounded overblown, but it’s apparently not normal detergent in there:

When curious kids find their way into regular liquid laundry detergent, the result is often nothing worse than an upset stomach. Laundry deteregent pods are presenting more serious symptoms. Along with vomiting, lethargy, and delirium, some victims have stopped breathing. Eye injuries are another common hazard. And since 2013, at least two children have died after ingesting a pod.

Many consumers don’t know about those enhanced risks, and even the medical community is still trying to make sense of them. “No one is really sure why liquid pods are so much more toxic than other types of detergent,” says Marie Steiner, M.D., a professor of pediatrics at the University of Minnesota. “As the number of exposures increase, the breadth of symptoms seems to be increasing.”

defilerwyrm:

got-doctor:

defilerwyrm:

Let people grow.

When I was younger I was very right-wing. I mean…very right-wing. I won’t go into detail, because I’m very deeply ashamed of it, but whatever you’re imagining, it’s probably at least that bad. I’ve taken out a lot of pain on others; I’ve acted in ignorance and waved hate like a flag; I’ve said and did things that hurt a lot of people.

There are artefacts of my past selves online – some of which I’ve locked down and keep around to remind me of my past sins, some of which I’ve scrubbed out, some of which are out of my grasp. If I were ever to become famous, people could find shit on me that would turn your stomach.

But that’s not me anymore. I’ve learned so much in the last ten years. I’ve become more open to seeing things through others’ eyes, and reforged my anger to turn on those who harm others rather than on those who simply want to exist. I’ve learned patience and compassion. I’ve learned how to recognise my privileges and listen to others’ perspectives. I’ve learned to stand up for others, how to hear, how to help, how to correct myself. And I learned some startling shit about myself along the way – with all due irony, some of the things I used to lash out at others for are intrinsic parts of myself.

You wouldn’t know what I am now from what I was then. You wouldn’t know what I was then from what I am now.

It distresses me deeply to think of someone dredging up my dark, awful past and treating me as though that furiously hateful person is still me. It distresses me to see others dredging up the past for anyone who has made efforts to become a better person, out of some sick obsession with proving they’re “problematic.”

Purity culture tells you that once someone says or does something, they can never go back on it. That’s a goddamn lie. While it’s true that some remain unrepentant and never change their ways and continue to harm others, it’s important to allow everyone the chance to learn from their mistakes. Saying something ignorant isn’t murder. Please stop treating it that way. Let people grow.

Still call it out and question it ….

Bruh. No. Listen. Call out what people do now, absolutely. If they haven’t changed, call them out on their record. This post is explicitly not about people who HAVEN’T changed. What this post IS saying is, if someone is making an effort to be a good person, don’t go digging around in their past for evidence that they were once for what they’re now against, or once against what they’re now for, as “proof” of what they “really think,” because people’s opinions and beliefs can change. 

The obsession with finding shit in someone’s past and then claiming that a questionable or even sordid past negates all possibility of a good present needs to become extinct. Gold-star activism and purity culture are bullshit and we need to collectively reject the fuck out of them.

If someone has changed for the better, don’t harass them about what they were like before they fuckin’ changed. That’s shitty and it needs to stop.

[CN: sexual violence]

While the revelation that teenage boys are often shitty and sexually aggressive to teenage girls might seem pretty obvious, these findings do have concrete policy consequences. Many preventative programs devoted to digital abuse focus on informing girls of the privacy risks, or warning them how child porn laws can be weaponized against them if they’re underage, or explaining how easily their photos can be shared, duplicated, and used against them. However, Sara E. Thomas, the author of the paper, said that her research suggests “young women are not ignorant of the potential consequences of sending sexual images, but rather that for some, the fear of consequence is superseded by more proximal pressures to send them.”

In short, the issue isn’t simply the existence of the photographs in a shareable, not-so-private digital medium. It’s how they’re procured (coercively) and how they’re used (abusively). This suggests that alternative, more effective methods of preventing digital abuse would focus instead on the boys’ behavior, teaching them about consent and respect. Just as teaching women not to drink too much or not to be alone with a man will never prevent sexual assault, teaching girls not to use digital media as part of their sexuality will never prevent digital abuse. You have to start with the root cause: a patriarchal culture which treats women’s bodies as objects that men are entitled to.

New Study Finds That Teen Boys Use “Anger and Threats” to Coerce Explicit Photos from Teen Girls | The Mary Sue (via quixylvre)
Source: themarysue.com