riversixx:

TW: Possible R*pe Mention

“If someone does not explicitly and enthusiastically say yes and very clearly express consent to sexual relations of any kind, then the answer is always NO” isn’t a difficult fucking concept and yet here we are with a lot of you fuckos insisting otherwise.

Hesitant and saying yes after being repeatedly pressured? It means no, you fuck.

Silence? Yep, you guessed it, that means no.

Going still and being unresponsive physically and/or verbally when you try something? It. Means. NO.

Intoxicated, inebriated, or in any other way shape or form not coherent and clear headed? Automatic no. You cannot consent to something in that state of mind.

Saying yes but clearly uncomfortable or upset? It means no, stop what you’re doing.

Says yes and halfway through what you’re doing says no/becomes unresponsive/shows visible signs of being uncomfortable or upset? It means no, stop immediately, not “continue until I’m finished because they said yes at first”.

Y’all need to get this shit through your thick skulls because I’m 100% done of the victim blaming, self-entitled, bullshit mentality I keep seeing.

lord-kitschener:

disease-danger-darkness-silence:

bogleech:

enoughtohold:

it’s interesting learning which homophobic ideas are confusing and unfamiliar to the next generation. for example, every once in a while i’ll see a post going around expressing tittering surprise at someone’s claim that gay men have hundreds of sexual partners in their lifetimes. while these posts often have a snappy comeback attached, they send a shiver down my spine because i remember when those claims were common, when you’d see them on the news or read them in your study bible. and they were deployed with a specific purpose — to convince you not just that gay men were disgusting and pathological, but that they deserved to die from AIDS. i saw another post laughing at the outlandish idea that gay men eroticize and worship death, but that too was a standard line, part and parcel of this propaganda with the goal of dehumanizing gay men as they died by the thousands with little intervention from mainstream society.

which is not to say that not knowing this is your fault, or that i don’t understand. i’ll never forget sitting in a classroom with my high school gsa, all five of us, watching a documentary on depictions of gay and bi people in media (off the straight and narrow [pdf transcript] — a worthwhile watch if your school library has it) when the narrator mentioned “the stereotype of the gay psycho killer.” we burst into giggles — how ridiculous! — then turned to our gay faculty advisors and saw their pale, pained faces as they told us “no, really. that was real” and we realized that what we’d been laughing at was the stuff of their lives.

it’s moving and inspiring to see a new generation of kids growing up without encountering these ideas. it’s a good thing. but at the same time, we have to pass on the knowledge of this pain, so we’re not caught unawares when those who hate us come back with the oldest tricks in the book.

Even in the 90’s I met people who believed, with the utmost sincerity and a sense of sheer terror, that gay people were agents of Satan who chose to become gay so they could deliberately spread STD’s, deliberately die of AIDs as part of their “fetish” and deliberately offend god into accelerating the end of the world. This does sound like absurd cartoonish nonsense to most people just a little younger than me but I heard it and worse growing up. Millions of people completely, totally believed that kind of thing with the most dire certainty. Today’s lizardman hollow earth anti-vaccine theories actually kind of pale in comparison.

That is what LGBT people were up against not long ago and the remnants of that fantastical-sounding hysteria and fanaticism are not only still here but regaining power again in the U.S. pretty rapidly.

…and I don’t think people should forget that for all I just described and all OP just described, the hatred for trans people was several times worse. Their very existence was treated as UNSPEAKABLE by even the Satanic HIV Apocalypse theorists. This is why it’s so bizarre and ridiculous to see people today whining about “PC culture” like that’s the problem, like people who were condemned as loathsome hellspawn within most of their own lifetimes somehow have it “too good” practically overnight.

do you have any idea what the AIDS funerals were like back then

I will harp on this until the day I die. It’s not information that people have nowadays both because it’s not really needed – thank GOD – and it’s been erased – not so cool.

pastors would take payment to perform the ceremony and then not show up. crematoriums would sometimes refuse to handle the bodies; funeral homes were no better, and my dad once walked in on a mortician dumping rubbing alcohol all over himself after he’d BEEN IN THE SAME ROOM as the body of one of my father’s dead friends. the funerals were held in people’s basements, the very very few churches at funeral homes willing, meeting halls, and in the homes of lesbians, who were some of the most steadfast allies during that time period. The few straight allies pitched in where they could – like that one woman who buried a lot of them herself, in her own cemetery, because their families wouldn’t come claim the bodies – but it was awful.

my dad was a reformed catholic but he knew the words and twice he had to perform the funerals to lay these people to rest because he was the most qualified. I stood next to him as he tried not to cry over his dead friends and to let them rest in peace. I watched my mother, at the back of wherever she was, quietly sobbing, and her lesbian friends who had ACTUALLY watched the person in question die, still comforting her. 

I got told by other adults that my entire family was going to hell because we deigned to care for queer people (and my dad especially, as a nurse, deigned to “waste” his knowledge and time and energy on easing suffering).

I was six years old. Freddie Mercury hadn’t even died yet.

recently a friend and I formed a queer social group/activism group and some older gay men came. And they cried, because, and I quote

“This is how it started, back then. we just got together, ten or twelve of us, and decided we were going to do something about it. And we made it out, despite everything, despite AIDS, despite the stigma. And you will too.”

And I had to respond, because I was little, but I was THERE for that, and I grabbed his hands and told him that his history is our history and we need to learn it.

we need to remember. the dead, the living, and their stories.

if you know an older queer person, inquire if they’d be interested in writing down their memoirs. If they’re not writers but want to tell the story, hit me up – I am, and I am absolutely willing to do a living memory.

they’re the only history books we have.

Also for version of “gays eroticize death and suffering and secretly want STDs and aids,” look at straight people who wrote panicked articles about “bug-chasing,” acting likes it’s a typical, widespread, and accepted part of the LGBT community

nonbinarypastels:

Honestly I feel like a lot of nonbinary people are uncomfortable with the way alignment language is pressed on them and uncomfortable with the fact that a lot of people who are not nonbinary are using that terminology as a means of misgendering us for their own ease and gain (because thinking of all nonbinary people as woman-aligned or man-aligned is easier for them than having to actually consider that there are nbs who don’t fit into that binary and they can’t be bothered to actually put forth the effort to change their world view and politics to include us) but are wary of speaking about it because they feel like by doing so they’re somehow invalidating or insulting the nonbinary folks who use this terminology and find it useful for describing their identities.

But like, these things are not mutually exclusive.

We can acknowledge that nonbinary people are being pressured both inside and outside of our community to use alignment terminology

and we can acknowledge that the hyper-focus on being aligned to this or that that’s going on right now can make ‘unaligned’ nonbinary people feel alienated in nonbinary spaces

and we can acknowledge that people who are not nonbinary are misusing these terms in very nbphobic ways

and we can also acknowledge that there are nonbinary people who use the terms for themselves because they want to and because they’re useful to them.

We can (and should be) discussing all of these things because none of them cancel each other out and it’s fully possible for nonbinary folks who feel that they are harmed by alignment terminology to speak about that without disrespecting or dismissing nonbinary people who do use those terms.