I firmly believe that unless the couple has discussed and agreed to marriage ahead of time, nobody has any business making a surprise public proposal.
Okay except some people want a surprise public proposal.
Girl my husband took me to Spain and gave me a kinder egg on the beach, the ring was inside the capsule (Lord knows how he did that) if any feminist tried to take that away from me I may cut a bitch. Best surprise of my life.
I wish people were capable of analyzing larger social trends and figuring that a significant number of women end up getting pressured into engagements or marriages they don’t want bc the audience that comes along with a public proposal will think she’s a bitch if she says no – instead of thinking “i liked it when it happened to me, therefore it could never turn out badly for anyone, not ever!!!!”
I think what people are misunderstanding here is that agreeing to marriage ahead of time doesn’t need to be like, asking permission to propose? I surprised my now spouse with a proposal in Disneyland but before that we had several conversations about the future of our relationship, future plans for our retirements and how we’d have to get married eventually for immigration purposes. I didn’t go to her and say “so would you say yeah if I proposed?” or hash out deets ahead of time, but we had enough of a mutual understanding and communicated desire to get married that, although it was a surprise for when and how I proposed, it wasn’t out of left field at all.
This is exactly like conversations about consent, people get up in arms thinking that it means you have to have contracts and serious sit down conversations before doing anything when its REALLY EASY to simply COMMUNICATE with your partner so things like this are done properly, yeesh
“proposal can be a surprise, engagement shouldn’t be“ – saw that somewhere, thought it was the most accurate
not to mention op specifically stated that it was about communication, not “surprise proposals are toxic”
but hey any excuse to bash feminism amirite
Also I want to point out there is a key difference between surprise proposals and public proposals. A public proposal puts a lot of pressure on the person to say ‘yes’ as they are being watched by a lot of people. There is nothing wrong with proposing with few of no people around as then that person has time to think. I also want to add that if you don’t think the person proposing will be ok with you saying ‘I’ll think about it’ they probably aren’t the person for you.
if anyone outside of tumblr ever asks me what it’s like to have a semi-popular blog I’m going to tell them about the time I made a post that SIMPLY AND CLEARLY ONLY said I like how hotels smell like pools and that I feel peaceful walking through their hallways and it literally branched into three very confusing discussions that are STILL going to this day, years later, which are:
pool employees Very Aggressively informing me that being able to smell a pool means chlorine levels are too high and I shouldn’t like that
hotel employees Very Aggressively telling me hotels aren’t peaceful for THEM and I should be more considerate of them when I say I find hotels peaceful
people??? angrily explaining to me that any time I’m in a hotel there is probably a victim of human trafficking in one of the rooms so I shouldn’t romanticize hotels.
and that about sums up any experience I’ve had with a post that gets too many notes tbh it’s probably best if everyone would stop reblogging my posts forever
I’ve been trying to capture him sleeping like this for Weeks y’all have no idea. he has the most sensitive hearing. he would hear me everytime I tried to sneak up and take his picture
The cards are often used to wiggle out of minor trouble such as speeding
tickets, the theory being that presenting one suggests you know someone
in the NYPD.
The rank and file is livid.
“They are treating active members like s–t, and retired members even
worse than s–t,” griped an NYPD cop who retired on disability. “All the
cops I spoke to were . . . very disappointed they couldn’t hand them out
as Christmas gifts.”
Wait. There’s an actual card for this?
How the hell was there not a longstanding counterfeiting operation around these?
Yup.
Its amazing this is actually a real formalized thing.
Ok, I know its a thing for cops to let friends and family of cops off.
But printing up an actual formalized card for it? WTF.
It’s just the business card for the police union. It doesn’t say “get out of jail free”.
But it implies that you know a police officer. And I suppose if they considered a person sufficiently suspicious, they could ask who the officer was and call to confirm.
Thats better.
But its still kind of creepy that cops giving favors to friends of other cops has become so routine that this happens.
Definitely.
They’re a little bit more than business cards. Here’s an article from 2012 on them that says they at least sometimes come “in a customized wallet that reads “Family Member,”” and this one describes them as “plastic”. They’re pretty clearly supposed to look like some kind of official “friend of cop” ID.
can you PLEASE put your age in your about/sidebar and make sure it’s accessible on mobile. imo if you’re an adult esp 20+ it’s a little weird that you wouldn’t have your age readily available on your blog. if you’re reading this now and you don’t have your age listed, please rectify that. i feel like teenagers get lured into talking to adults in fandom/lgbt spaces that they may not have intentionally sought out because they think they’re talking to other teenagers, and this can lead to a lot of other – much more insidious –problems
I know other people have already refuted this, but seeing the original message still going around I’d like to point out just a couple of reasons why this request – while well intentioned – misses a lot of key points:
1. This is working under the assumption that tumblr is a space solely (or at least primarily) for teenagers/kids and that simply isn’t the case. Historically the creation of fanfiction, fanvids, fanart, etc. has been done by people in their twenties and older. Think about how many years it takes to learn how to craft a good story. Think about what you need to pull something like a con together. That person with the Skill you admire? There’s a very good chance they’re an adult. It used to be that kids pretended to be 18+ because they knew online fan communities were adult spaces. I’m not sure when this switch happened, but it needs to stop.
2. It is not “a little weird” that people don’t put their age on their blog. I have mine because I’m comfortable sharing it and my fan identity/irl identity are already really conflated, but a lot of people – most people – want to keep personal information to themselves. There’s nothing wrong with that and insisting that we reveal that information is all kinds of wrong. Can you ask someone their age? Certainly! Maybe they’ll tell you, maybe they won’t, but regardless you are not entitled to that information.
3. The children on here? They are not my responsibility. If kids/teens are worried about who they’re talking to then they should either a) be careful about who they interact with or b) not use this website. If they’re too young to understand this then they’re too young to be online without parental supervision. Now, how can a teen be careful about who they interact with? Check the person’s blog. See the kind of content they post. See if there are any hints about their age (mentions of school, job, birthdays, etc.) – or again, just ask! I’ve had plenty of people on here decide they only want certain types of interaction with me after discovering my age and that’s fine. But it’s not my job to monitor everyone else’s internet use.
4. Finally, I find the language here to be rather concerning. “A little weird,” teenagers are “lured,” leading to things that are “much more insidious”… all of this, whether intentionally or not, frames anyone 20+ as intrinsically predatory. It also takes agency away from anyone under 18. Teenagers aren’t “lured” into talking to me, they make that decision on their own. They are their own person capable of making their own decisions, gathering information before making that decision (like asking someone’s age) or, if they can’t do these two steps then again, they should not be online. We’ve come right back to point #1: this is not your space. It’s our space. I’m not some trespasser here who only gets to stay provided that I cater to those younger than me. If anything, based on how much of online content is geared towards adults, kids should be working under the assumption that they are speaking to an adult until proven otherwise, especially on websites like tumblr that cater to all ages. Don’t assume you’re talking to another teenager. Don’t project onto a person and then get mad when you find out you’re wrong. That’s not them tricking you, that’s you failing to take responsibility for yourself.
You want to know someone’s age? Ask, and then work with the answer you’re given. But someone failing to give you private information up front isn’t weird or predatory or insidious. The quicker everyone realizes that the better off we’ll all be.
Also this will not protect you from genuinely predatory people. Genuinely predatory people will lie about their age. If you’re assuming someone is safe to talk to because they say they’re 15, that’s a problem. They might be a 15 year old rapist. They might be lying and be 50.
Most people on the internet are nice and well meaning.
But relying on what age someone claims to be rather than signs of actually worrying behaviour is stupid.
Urocyon's Jaunts 2.0 
You must be logged in to post a comment.