I was taking pics of this kitten sitting on her mom when her sister came to square up
Month: January 2018
maybe there’s hope for this country
Of course ‘hero dad’ didn’t just go over and ask the kid if he could buy them food or anything, either.

Sparrow
#birds #birdsofinstagram #animals #animalsofinstagram #wildlife #wildlifephotography #nature #naturephotography #picoftheday #photography #photographylovers #nikon #aglimpseofnature #christophernelsonimages #springday
Pulled hamstrings sound delicious if you don’t know what they are
Wasn’t it relatively common back in the good old wheatfield days for a guy to go through multiple wives, and end up with a mixed family of kids with different mothers, because that many women were killed by childbirth/pregnancy complications?
I mean, “youngish widower looking for a second wife to take care of his motherless kids” was something of an established old timey literary trope
My great-great-great grandmother died in the early 1900’s of health problems related to having thirteen kids. She was barely cold in the ground when her husband (who was like, in his 40’s) married a nice young teenage girl to take care of the brood and then they had like 5 more children.
But the way it was told to me was that he wanted to try for more sons, because of course, since twelve of those thirteen children were girls. The good old days when you didn’t have to lock your doors and woman were disposable.
薰风一万里,来处是长安。
Traditional Chinese Hanfu photography via 雨霖儿Yveline. She is wearing a Tang Dynasty-style chest-high Ruqun/襦裙 and Daxiushan/大袖衫 (large-sleeve robe). Hanfu from 华姿仪赏.
How Facebook Outs Sex Workers
This story was produced by Gizmodo Media Group’s Special Projects Desk.
Leila is a sex worker. She goes to great lengths to keep separate identities for ordinary life and for sex work, to avoid stigma, arrest, professional blowback, or clients who might be stalkers (or worse).
Her “real identity” — the public one, who lives in California, uses an academic email address, and posts about radical politics — joined Facebook in 2011. Her sex-work identity is not on the social network at all; for it, she uses a different email address, a different phone number, and a different name. Yet earlier this year, looking at Facebook’s “People You May Know” recommendations, Leila (a name I’m using using in place of either of the names she uses) was shocked to see some of her regular sex-work clients.
Despite the fact that she’d only given Facebook information from her vanilla identity, the company had somehow discerned her real-world connection to these people — and, even more horrifyingly, her account was potentially being presented to them as a friend suggestion too, outing her regular identity to them.
Because Facebook insists on concealing the methods and data it uses to link one user to another, Leila is not able to find out how the network exposed her or take steps to prevent it from happening again.
“It’s not just sex workers who are careful to shield their identities,” she said to me via Skype. “The people who hire sex workers are also very concerned with anonymity so they’re using alternative emails and alternative names. And sometimes they have phones that they only use for this, for hiring women. You have two ends of people using heightened security, because neither end wants their identity being revealed. And they’re having their real names connected on Facebook.”
When Leila queried secret support groups for sex workers on Facebook, others said it had happened to them too.
"With all the precautions we take and the different phone numbers we use, why the fuck are they showing up? How is this happening?“
“The worst nightmare of sex workers is to have your real name out there, and Facebook connecting people like this is the harbinger of that nightmare,” she said. “With all the precautions we take and the different phone numbers we use, why the fuck are they showing up? How is this happening?”
It’s not a question that Facebook is willing to answer. The company is not forthcoming about how “People You May Know,” known internally as PYMK, makes its recommendations. Most of what Facebook does reveal about the feature is on a help page, which says that the suggestions “come from things like” mutual friends, shared networks or groups, or “contacts you’ve uploaded.”
When the suggestions turn out to be unnerving, that explanation is both vague and woefully incomplete. A Facebook spokesman told me this summer that there are more than 100 signals that go into PYMK. All someone like Leila — who was not connected to her clients by anything like mutual friends, networks, groups, or contacts — can know is that the data that exposed her must be something else, in that large undefined set of factors.
Leila suspects either that Facebook collected contact information from other apps on her phone or that it used location information, noticing that her and her clients’ smartphones were in the same place at the same time.
“We do not use information from third party apps to show friend suggestions in People You May Know,” said a Facebook spokesperson by email. Facebook has said before that it doesn’t use location information for People You May Know, and the spokesperson confirmed that “People You May Know suggestions are not informed by your smartphone’s Location Services.”
So the linkage between Leila and her clients remains a mystery. While the algorithmic black box that is PYMK is simply creepy to most of us, the intrusive network analysis can have serious consequences for people in the sex work and porn industry. One sex toy reviewer devoted a section of her digital security advice to the feature, her cleverest suggestion being to choose a profile photo that doesn’t show your face.
“People think because you have sex on camera, privacy isn’t a big deal for you,” said Mike Stabile, spokesperson for the Free Speech Coalition, a California-based advocacy group for adult performers. “But in this industry, privacy is so important. Performers worry about stalkers on a daily basis.”
Stabile says concerns about People You May Know also go the other way, when people’s accounts for their sex work persona are recommended to people they know in their real, vanilla lives like relatives and friends.
That’s what Ela Darling worries about. Darling, who manages virtual reality adult broadcasting at CAM4, has been working in pornography for eight years, but her family members don’t know that.
"I don’t want my 15-year-old cousin to discover I’m a porn star because my account gets recommended to them on Facebook.“
“I don’t want my 15-year-old cousin to discover I’m a porn star because my account gets recommended to them on Facebook,” Darling told me by phone.
To combat this, she searches Facebook every few weeks for the last names of her family and extended family to see if any of her relatives have joined the network or created a new account. If they have, she blocks them.
Darling used to have a second, private account under her legal name for connecting with people she knew in her normal, vanilla life, but it was getting recommended to her fans, revealing her “real” identity to them. Some of them began harassing her and trying to track down her family.
“We’re living in an age where you can weaponize personal information against people,” Darling said. She’s not sure how Facebook linked her porn identity to her legal identity, but it meant one had to go. She deleted her private account a few years ago, leaving only her public, porn one.
“Facebook isn’t a luxury,” Darling said. “It’s a utility in our lives. For something that big to be so secretive and powerful in how it accumulates your information is unnerving.”
The outing problem is, like Facebook’s ongoing fake-news scandals, a result of the company’s growth-above-all strategy: First round up as many users as possible, then start cleaning up (or not) the side effects of operating at that scale. People You May Know may be incidental to an individual user’s experience, but it extends the reach and density of the network.
“For sex workers, this is a huge threat. This is life or death for us,” Leila said.
An obvious solution, from a user’s point of view, would be for Facebook to fully explain what data it uses to make friend suggestions, and to allow users to filter it or opt out of the People You May Know feature entirely. That way, someone concerned about having their identity exposed — whether a sex worker, a domestic violence victim, or a political activist — wouldn’t have to worry about having their account shown to someone who shouldn’t see it.
“An opt out is not something we think people would find useful.”
“An opt out is not something we think people would find useful,” said the spokesperson. “For example, even for people who have been on Facebook for a long time and already have lots of friends, most of us like to know when someone we know has joined Facebook for the first time.”
According to the Facebook spokesperson, while there is no way to clearly and directly opt out of the People You May Know feature, there’s an undocumented trick that does enable users to stop appearing in it. It just requires them to shut off their ability to receive any friend requests at all.
“People can always control who can send them friend requests by visiting their account settings,” said the spokesperson. “If they select ‘no one,’ they won’t appear in others’ People You May Know.”
This solution, which is not explained in any of Facebook’s many help pages, would allow Leila to protect herself from exposure, although at the expense of one of Facebook’s basic functions. And it wouldn’t work for Darling as her account exists for fans to find and follow. So the need for a PYMK opt-out remains.
“We take privacy seriously and of course want to make sure people have a safe and positive experience on Facebook,” said the Facebook spokesperson. “For people who choose to maintain a separate identity, we’ve put safeguards in place to help them understand their privacy choices, moderate comments, block people, control location sharing, and report abusive content.”
Facebook also says you can just “x” out anyone who appears in “People You May Know” that you don’t want to know, but sometimes just appearing there means the damage is already done.
As a sex worker, I would just like to add:
If your favorite stripper/escort/cam person etc. personal account is recommended to you over facebook, the best thing you can do is NOT add them, and instead just let them know the next time that you interact with them during an appointment/at the club etc. Please don’t add them so you can try to tell them through their personal account-it’s dangerous, and scary. Block us, don’t look at said accounts, and notify us as soon as you can. Most check for that kinda shit regularly, but a heads up is always nice.
On the reverse, if one of your loved ones sex worker accounts is suggested to you over social media, do not follow it without their permission. Let them know that their account was recommended to you, block them if they ask you too (and/or don’t get offended if they block you), and most importantly do not tell anyone else you/they know. Outting them to other relatives/friends is really dangerous, so please don’t do that.
Civilians (non-sex workers) please reblog!
A couple of things that may be influencing this.
Hopefully these people are using different browsers for their vanilla and sex worker activities. If they aren’t, they should start now. Don’t trust incognito mode.
The next one is harder – the ip address. I know this is one of the factors in PYMK, because when I was on facebook at work, it started recommending co-workers. The problem that the ip address presents is that even if you are using different computers, if you are using the same hardware to connect to the internet, the ip addresses are almost identical, so that can be used to associate your vanilla and sex worker identities (think apartments in a building). I don’t know how to defeat that, short of getting separate ISPs for your different lives.
Having one account that you only use on your computer, through you home internet, and one that you only use on your phone, using your phone’s data, should work as long as you never use you home internet on your phone.
Frankly, FB has a crazy number of ways of connecting two different identities, up to even facial recognition. Sex workers (or anyone else who *needs* to keep separate identities) probably shouldn’t use FB at all, better to stick to things like twitter, tumblr, personal web pages and sites dedicated to that.
That issue seems to be getting worse, which was kinda my suspicion anyway.
Feeling freshly overwhelmed, as is hopefully understandable. But, I did come up with some ideas.
Following through is the hard part, especially with already pretty much operating in emergency mode where what few spoons are available have basically been going into getting through the day. And of course worrying about what I haven’t been able to do has been sending it into deficit a lot. Been an issue for a while, but the energy available is probably at an all-time low.
Anyway, I didn’t say before, but I finally did hear back from that advocacy organization, and they did point me at another one that is supposed to cover our area. Looking at their site, I get a stronger impression that I am just Not Disabled Enough on paper to qualify for much assistance. (Even if I were, not having officially lost my civil rights in any way–yet– might be enough to get shifted to rock bottom priority.) And that it might go beyond limited funding. That was just the vibe I got.
But, their NHS complaints service specifically sounded a lot more possibly inclusive. It probably couldn’t hurt to try to get them to help with the “dropped from ophthalmology, basically because I am multiply disabled” rationing by obstacle course situation. To hopefully get some of the specific concerns there addressed as well. (No energy to get into that.)
Maybe, if I detail the larger situation and am very lucky, someone might be willing to refer me for some other help dealing with the unfamiliar system. Not counting on it from the sound of things and general experiences here so far.
(How does whoever I might be dealing with feel about weird foreigners/gender variant people/etc.? We just don’t know. And the staff looked very older White British.)
But, hopefully they can at least get ophthalmology willing to see me again when I have probably already permanently lost some sight due to bad accessibility.
Trying not to get hung up to a paralyzing extent on that right now, but of course I am concerned about the likelihood of my being able to make and navigate any future appointments without some of the other underlying issues being addressed. Including access to (competent, halfway respectful) basic diabetes treatment, to hopefully help keep everything from continuing to get worse.
And of course I keep kicking myself for “letting” things get to this point at all…basically by being disabled and otherwise marginalized, without necessary supports available. I know it’s fucked up, but these messages are persistent And not just something my own personal craziness cooked up.
Anyway, I’m trying to figure out how to get that underway in spite of already low energy getting sucked by terror. And fighting PTSD. It might help, and probably couldn’t make the situation worse.
In the meantime, if it get too bad, there is a limited hours emergency eye clinic at the local hospital. (Would definitely drag Mr. C along for whatever backup he could provide, especially after my half-deaf ass’s last experience with the regular ophthalmology clinic there and their terrible communication/mixups I witnessed in one visit/etc.)
Assuming I could make it through triage–particularly with the atmosphere right now–and ophthalmology didn’t just turn me away because I did get dropped from regular services.
Still, it is another option. And “I am probably having retinal bleeding as we speak” should hopefully qualify as an urgent thing. Not so sure at this point, but hey.


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